Myth Busting – Knife Attacks

knife 1


I wrote this article as an addition to the (excellent) guest article we recently had on on our blog. I have to say that it is written based on my experience, seeing and dealing with knife attacks and wounds, both during the SHTF and during my work in the medical field.

It is not written scientifically, or based on hard data, it is based on what I saw, or did… what I actually experienced.

Often we find, some same topics are viewed differently by different people, and it is perfectly OK to be like that, but when it is come to knife wounds and killing, in the end a wound is wound and blood is blood.

Knife (blade)

There is something primal (can we say even mythical?) in a knife (blade) and I guess it comes from the fact that it has been used as a killing tool for many centuries, and to be honest, for me it is most scary type of possible fight – to be forced to knife fight.

Having a knife in your hand and ‘pushing’ it into someone’s body is scary thought, it is very personal, on many levels.

As always, thanks to movie industry, people imagine a knife fight is like two guys doing a whole bunch of fancy moves. In reality it is mostly about who pulled their knife first and stick it in to the other guy. (Before other guy had a chance to pull his knife hopefully)

Knife Fighting, Knives and Common Sense

I know there are knife fighting experts out there, but I have never gone through some sort of experts training so I cannot say the full impact of this. But I know that if you are forced to do knife fighting with someone when SHTF and by the chance you have pistol with you, pull the gun and shoot the man twice… forget about ‘honor’ and ‘movies’.

Knife fighting (equal terms) means that you (almost for sure) going to get hurt, get at least a couple of cuts from your opponent. Remember even a small cut when SHTF can kill you.

Accepting the possibility people on the internet will call me an idiot, I must say that choosing your knife (for SHTF) as a weapon ONLY is a HUGE resource waste.

A good knife means a working tool and a weapon.

Also accept there are more usable weapons and tools out there, like an axe for example, in terms of multi –use. A knife plays it’s part in the bigger picture.

What I am trying to say is, do not get yourself to romanticized into a certain type of knife- when it come to stabbing and cutting (in fights) most knives will do the job, with the possible exception of a really cheap one.

When it come to tools, then you should aim to choose the higher quality ones (and multi purpose if possible)

In one period of SHTF, most of the knife fights I saw were done with simple kitchen knives, and I assure you those knives did the job bloody good.

Point here is to have intention, and yes, to have guts for that. The type and style of knife is very much secondary to that…

Always you want to have common sense, and adaptability. For example if you found yourself in situation where a knife is your only weapon maybe it makes sense to make spear out of it, to have some „distance and strength“. You can’t just assume there is only ‘one way’.

Knives, Bleeding and Statistics.

There are numbers and data from years of the research about bleeding and death from knife wounds and blood loss, and it worth your time to read it, to know what is about and what you can expect.

On the other hand there are real life experiences and exceptions for everything, and you need to acknowledge that too.

You could see maybe in movies that if you silently move up on a guy from the rear, put your hand over his mouth and stab him with the knife in his back region or kidneys, he is gonna go down silently in two seconds.

Good luck with that, stabbing someone is actually a very „noisy“ job, and there are variables like; Did you hit correct place? Did you stab or slice? How long and sharp your knife is? etc etc.

On top of all this you must understand you will need do add lot of force to whatever method you use, definitely not like in the movies, people will fight for their life – literally.

Depending of the situation, you could hit the correct place (carotid artery for example) but the wounded guy could still have enough time to strangulate you. I’ve seen it happen. Yes, he will die very fast from massive bleeding from carotid artery – but the point is he could still kill you before that happens.

So you have an option of moving to the guy silently in order to kill him, great, but think, are you going to use your fancy knife in order to cut his carotid artery?

Maybe it can make more sense (and present better odds) to use a big rock and instantly crush his skull, with one strong blow, rather than take the chance of missing an artery and be faced with an alerted enemy with a knife?

If you do not have any good training about how to correctly use a knife, it is simply not very easy to achieve fast, effective kills.

More unpleasant facts about a knife fight is if you want to kill someone with a knife, it is going to be some serious requirement in terms of „working“ with your knife.

For example a simple stab, or even multiple stabs to the abdomen region will eventually kill the man, but not fast enough- it is complete different story if you stab the man and then move your knife around- or dig, gouge and cut if you like. Messy job, but it works like that.

If you need to kill someone with a knife, and you get chance to stab him, you need to be prepared that it will likely take multiple stab wounds. One stab rarely works unless you are really know what you are doing.

The final sad truth is, that during the knife fight, when you get chance to stab your opponent, he is having the same chances to stab you, so there is a very good chance you will be hurt too.

Make sure you are not ‘over simplifying’ you options and training. Many preppers I hear carrying things with them to kill folks or defend themselves. You need to understand your full range of defense options, train with your tools and train with an understanding of the realities of these things in mind.

We discuss the realities of violent encounters a lot and much, much more during our flagship course in Croatia. If you are serious about your training there are still some spaces available.

More details can be seen here:

Also, I am sure our readers have many great experiences and lessons on this subject to share. Please get involved in the discussion by leaving a comment below…



Guest Post – Myth Busting Knife Attacks by Darren Laur

Recently, I read an article on surviving an edged weapon attack, where the writer spoke specific to knife wounds, as they related to unconsciousness and death, which I found quite troublesome given the fact that his numbers just did not reflect the empirical experience/data that I have witnessed over my 29yrs of being a law enforcement professional.

In this article, the author first quoted a book written by Captain W E Fairburn called “Get Tough: How to Win In Hand-to-Hand Fighting” published in 1942. On page 99 of this text (fig.112) Fairburn provides the following information specific to “loss of consciousness in seconds” and “Death” specific to knife wounds:


FS Timetable

Brachial Artery – Unconsciousness 14 seconds, death 1.5 minutes

Radial Artery – Unconsciousness 30 seconds, death 2 minutes

Carotid Artery – Unconsciousness 5 seconds, death 12 seconds

Subclavian Artery – Unconsciousness 2 seconds, death 3.5 seconds

Heart – Unconsciousness instantaneous, death 3 seconds


I attempted to locate any medical literature surrounding the time that this book was published to support the above noted data, but I was unable to do so. If anyone reading this can provide me with the medical literature that supports Fairburn’s data from that time period, please send it my way.

Based upon the above noted Fairburn data, I began my literary review of the martial art/self-protection/combatives academia, specific to unconsciousness and death specific to knife wounds, and what I found was very surprising if not troublesome. Much of the data supplied in these books, articles, and papers that I reviewed were just a rehash of Fairburn’s numbers, and others were anecdotal at best, and more often than not just plain negligent. None, and I mean none, cited any medical literature to support their claims. Some stated that they had spoken to a medical professional (doctors and paramedics) to validate their claims, but yet they did not provide the names of these medical professionals, or their credentials, or even medical research links which would have helped validate their published writings.


After reading the above noted martial art, self protection, and combatives academia, and being less than impressed with their reported data specific to unconsciousness and death as it relates to knife wounds, I too decided to connect with the medical professionals. Two of the doctors that I connected with are experts in their field of medicine; both specialize in trauma care and critical care medicine, and have a plethora of firsthand experience in dealing with those who have been injured via an edged or pointed weapon:

Dr Lorne David Porayko:

• Full time Critical Care Medicine/Anaesthesiology specialist in Victoria, Vancouver Island Health Authority
• Critical Care team leader
• Works in conjunction with Dr Christine Hall
• Martial Arts background in Judo (black belt level), MMA, Krav Maga
• Honoured to say that Dr Porayko is one of my full time students

Dr Christine Hall:

• Full time emergency medicine specialist in Victoria, Vancouver Island Health Authority.
• Trauma team leader and educator.
• Previously, program director for emergency medicine at the University of Calgary.
• Master’s degree in epidemiology from the University of Calgary.
• Cross-appointed in the department of community health sciences through the faculty of medicine at the University of Calgary and also the faculty of medicine’s department of surgery at UBC.


When it comes to unconsciousness or death attributed to an edged weapon attack, we are talking about what the medical community calls “Shock”. Dr Porayko defines shock as, “the development of multi-organ failure due to insufficient oxygen being delivered to the tissue to meet their metabolic needs.”

Specific to shock as it relates to unconsciousness and death, Dr Porayko stated the following to me:

“ A 70kgs (154lbs) male’s circulating blood volume is about 70ml/kg which equals about 5 litres. Cardiac output is about 5-7 litres per minute. All the great vessels of the body act as a conduit of approximately 15-20% of CO/minute which equals about 1 litre per minute. The great vessels include the innominate artery, Subclavian arteries, carotid arteries and some include the iliac arteries. The 4 atria, 2 ventricles and aorta all conduct the full cardiac output thus are well protected in the centre of the body behind the sternum and in front of the thoracolumbar spine.”

So why is the above noted information important, because hemorrhagic shock (blood loss) is based upon how much hydraulic fluid (blood) is leaked from the body. When it comes to understanding hemorrhagic shock, I would guide you to the following links that were provided to me by Dr Porayko:

Dr Porayko advised that based upon the above noted link:

• A class II shock category (750-1500ml) would leave “most” dizzy and very weak
• a Class III or Class IV shock category (1500ml-2 litres of blood loss) would leave “most” with the inability to stand up right

Specific to my questions about unconsciousness and death if specific anatomical arteries or veins were cut, and given all the medical variable associated, the Doctors had to make the following assumptions first before they could answer my questions:

1. There is no compression of a lacerated artery underway. This was irrelevant for a lacerated vein due to the fact that a vein can’t be compressed

2. The subject is previously healthy with a normal haemoglobin concentration and has a normal VO2 max prior to being wounded.

3. If an artery is the target, the artery is incompletely transacted. Completely transacted arteries go into vasospasm and retract into their perivascular sheaths which markedly reduces bleeding and even stopping bleeding all together in the case of smaller vessels. On this point Dr Porayko stated that this is the reason the Ghurkhas were trained to twist their knives in the femoral artery after puncturing it- to avoid a clean surgical transaction, thus preventing the vasospasm and retraction into the perivascular sheath, and instead to intentionally cause a hole in the vessel sidewall which is much more lethal.

4. The adventitia (a saran wrap like layer around the blood vessel) does not seal the wound ( The doctors stated that this usually does happen in survivors) and/or a clot does no form after blood pressure drops.

The doctors also noted:

“although exsanguinations (death from blood loss) from a venous injury is much slower that an arterial one (because mean arterial pressure is usually at least 10x central venous pressure), the venous injury is much more difficult to treat and generally if arterial injured patients survive to hospital with manual compression, they will do well whereas major venous injured patients often die even after getting to the operating room”

Of note, both doctors opinioned that the numbers provided by Fairburn and other combative/martial arts instructors that I provided to them for review, specific to times for unconsciousness and/or death, are way too short. Both stated that they believed that these numbers are based upon “complete cessation” of all cardiac output through the involved vessel which is not the norm. In fact Dr Pryayko brought to my attention that during the French revolution when thousands of people were beheaded by guillotine, the attending doctors documented the presence of vital signs in the body for up to two minutes.

Real Numbers

So based upon the above 4 “assumptions”, here are the numbers that the doctors I consulted provided specific to a level of hemorrhagic shock taking place which would lead to unconsciousness or death in “most” situations:

Carotid Artery – Approx 2-20 minutes

Jugular Vein – Approx 15-60 minutes

Subclavian Artery – Approx 2-20 minutes. The doctors also noted: “this is a special circumstance anatomically because this vessel is protected by the clavicle and the first rib (sandwiched between them) if the Subclavian artery bleeds, the only way to compress it and repair it is to open the chest by thoracotomy. You cannot compress it. Patients usually die on the scene or en-route to hospital.

Subclavian Vein – Approx 15-60 minutes

Brachial Artery – 5-60 minutes. The doctors also noted: “pretty unusual to see these without compression by EMS)

Femoral Artery – 5-60 minutes. The doctors also noted: “Pretty unusual to see these without compression by EMS)

Aorta or any part of the heart – Approx 1-2 minutes. The doctors stated that the heart conducts 100% of cardiac output. Assuming transaction and that the hole does not seal. Ventricular holes do usually seal while the atrial ones do not due to the orientation of the muscle fibres.

Two other areas of note made by the doctors also included:

Popliteal Artery – Located behind the knee, would be similar (but slightly less) to cutting the femoral artery

Inferior Vena Cava – Can be attacked via a deep abdominal stab, similar to cutting the Jugular vein


Both doctors stated that these are estimates based upon current medical literature and their first hand experience, but both also stated that there are always exceptions to these estimates. Both gave examples where patients who had received severe knife wound survived even with a heavy loss of blood, some examples:

• One of the doctors has seen several patients with traumatic cardiotomies (a big hole in the heart) survive for 20 minutes before being treated

• One of the doctors treated a patient who had been stabbed in the abdomen, where the knife hit the inferior vena cava, his belly was full of blood, he was conscious, although shocky, an hour after the injury when he arrived in the ER. He survived.

The doctors stated that they have seen patients who have bled out nearly their entire blood volume, but yet are still awake and talking (although looking bad) many many minutes following an injury and survive to tell their story. Dr Porayko stated, “So it is a mistake to underestimate a person’s capacity to compensate for acute hypovolemia and anaemia (hemorrhagic shock), even when very severe. This is especially true in the younger population.


So why did I write this article?

1. Much of the information being propagated in the martial arts, self protection, and combatives industry specific to unconsciousness and death as a result of a knife attack, specific to blood loss, is inaccurate. I wanted to provide those who are looking to share current and accurate medical opinion with the above noted information, hoping that it will go viral in our industry. For those who don’t and continue to teach inaccurate information, shame on you.

2. Those who teach others how to fight with a knife, and state that if you cut or stab a person here or there an attacker will die in seconds, are both willfully blind and being irresponsible to their student in most cases. Those who teach others how to fight with a knife need to absorb the information in this article, and start teaching from a medically researched knowledge base.

The most important reason for this article, SURVIVAL !!!!!! Words are powerful, and can create our own reality. If you “believe” that you will die in seconds because your radial artery has been cut in a knife attack, and your instructor told you (and you believe him) that you only have 30 seconds to live before you die from blood loss, then you likely will die. As can be seen from the numbers provided by the doctors, even if one receives a severe cut or stab to a major blood vessel or organ, you can still fight for several minutes (not seconds), and even longer, and still survive. As Dr Hall stated, “The decision to survive, it is that intangible thing that cannot be measured, and I think is part of the reason that some people survive and some don’t. You have to decide ahead of time that you are going to live.”


Darren Laur, also known as “The White Hatter”,  has dedicated his life to public safety, and is a recently retired and highly respected Staff Sergeant with the Victoria City Police Department with over 29 years of law enforcement experience, and is a Certified Advanced Open Source Intelligence / Social Media Investigator with a strong interest/background in on-line and social media investigations. Darren is an internationally court recognized safety and workplace violence prevention expert/advocate, award winning published author and highly sought after international keynote speaker, who specializes in the area of personal safety and self protection both on-line and off-line.

More information can be found at:

Orlando Nightclub Attack – Some Thoughts



I hate to write articles following terrorist attack, but here I am again. With how everything looks, I’m anticipating writing more articles increasingly based on the „newest terrorist attack“…

I wrote about terrorism and terrorist attack in some other terms, what I’d like to discuss with you here and now is more about the core of these events, What is happening inside them, and what to do, or how to survive it.

Let’s just cover some of the basics here, in terms of survival, if you find yourself in the middle of similar attack.

Where Are You?

One of the my favorite means of survival in any SHTF situation is not to be there. That goes for war and also for some terrorist attack inside some club.

Terrorism have as a goal to change our way of living, to install fear in us, so we could be in constant expecting of attack. For me,  they are succeeding in that.

Placing myself unarmed in confined space with whole bunch of unarmed people sounds like very bad idea to me. The probability that terrorist will attack whole bunch of folks in a gun convention, or at shooting range in Texas is very low, simply because their success there is very limited.

It is bad time to be unarmed together with whole bunch of another unarmed people, simply avoid that.

So that brings us to the next point:

Guns or No Guns?

All terrorist attacks ends when good guys with guns come and kill bad guys with guns. So one thing here is very clear: it is not about guns only, it is who has the guns.

Rory Quote
Clearly if other good guys (victims) had guns chances for them to finish that terrorist attack (to kill the terrorist) earlier would be much higher. Have a gun, be armed!

Terrorist by the nature do not expect to meet active resistance (firearms) from the victims, they are there to shoot as many people as possible, and even one good man with a pistol could make significant tactical change in everything.

Good people with guns brings us to the next point here:


I experienced and participated in shootings in closed (inside buildings) environment with more persons inside, and it is nothing like practicing on a shooting range, so it is something that you need to be prepared for.

Several gunshots from rifle in an indoor environment is something that could (and did) make people literally shit themselves, or to be paralyzed in shock for some time.

Add to that complete chaos, screams, panic and everything else and it is not sunset movie scene where there is attacker and you only.

You will act how you are trained, so train for that.

A few thoughts here to consider:


Know the buildings that you entering and where you are going to spend some time, especially if there is going to be a crowd. Entrances, exits, escape routes, obstacles, think where most of the folks will run, think where a possible attacker could come from and what is best position for him, for you…

Cover and Concealment:

Understand what is ‘cover’ and what is ‘concealment’.  You could read in some manual that concealment could be for example thick bush, you stand behind that and you are not visible, and for cover there is thick brick wall and behind it no bullet can kill you.

With that knowledge you find yourself in the middle of terrorist attack inside club and find out there is no bushes or thick walls and you suddenly have a flash of revelation that tells you did not learn enough about important things. There is a difference between knowledge and understanding.

Here I find movie industry very guilty for misinformation and lot of possible deaths. You know the movie scenes where people who were shot with a pistol, fly 10 meters through the air when they get hit, or, or guys who use wooden tables for cover in gunfights?

It is all wrong you know…?

Bullet from AK 47 (or any other similar characteristic rifle) can go through many things like doors, walls, shelves, cabinets, tables and kill you or even one more person. Even bullets from a pistol can go through a lot of stuff and kill you.

A good idea is to bring some stuff next time on your shooting range and test it, shoot through it so you have idea.

After that exercise on shooting range, whenever you go to your favorite places (malls, clubs, etc) together with entrances, exits, route considerations etc think, look for and identify real cover (can that big wooden bar take a rifle shot, or that big refrigerator?)

Who Survives?

Mostly guys who survived to tell story about similar events were those who use the opportunity to flee right on time, so I would not have any real deep thoughts about that, if you have chance to run, then run and survive.

If you are there, at the place, armed and have a chance to make the change (to eliminate attacker) to save yourself, then no deep thoughts again, eliminate the threat!

But again here is catch, it is not shooting range, with empty beer bottles. Attacker is shooting too, and most probably with deadlier weapon than yours…

Slight advantage here is that attacker is not expecting resistance in the form of a firearm. Again, a few suggestions. Forget any thoughts of ‘honorable fighting'(scream while everybody else is screaming in horror and then when he points in other direction shoot the asshole in back), and also do some tactical thinking about his position and your position, angles of movement, corners, types of his weapon (time to reload) and use every opportunity to win.


It is pretty dark conclusion, since I strongly believe that even when you entering mall you need to think about possible exits, how thick is that glass in front, covers and tactical movements in case of attack, but it is what it is, we are talking about survival anyway not about agriculture here.

Remember attacks are happening where people are not expecting it too much, that is also why are so many victims.

Be prepared!

Do events such as these change your preparedness plans or affect your training? Comment below, let us know how you would deal with a situation like this…?

Guest Article – Seven Elements of Self-Defense by Rory Miller



Toby’s Note: While this article is written primarily as advice to Self Defense instructors, it should be noted serious students of Self Defense need to be studying and addressing all the points raised AND we highly recommend choosing their instructors in accordance with the advice given in this article.


There are seven things you must cover if you intend to teach self-defense. Failure in any of these areas will leave your student vulnerable.


1) Ethical and Legal Aspects of Force.

Self defense is a legal term, not a selection of physical skills. To teach physical self-defense without respect to self-defense law is as irresponsible as teaching someone to drive without teaching the rules of the road. Many of the systems we teach are either older than the legal concept of self-defense, derived from a military art without legal niceties, or invented by criminals.  As a rule, nice, peaceful, law-abiding people are crappy at designing functional combat systems. It is not hard to teach with respect to the law, most people’s instincts are fully in line with legal expectations. When one hears, “I’d rather be tried by twelve than carried by six” it is a sure sign of an instructor too lazy or too arrogant to do the research necessary to help the students avoid both of those options.


The law is the standard society will hold you to, but your internal ethics are the standards you will hold yourself to. There is always a moral dimension to any use of force and you will always be either the good guy or the bad guy in your own mind when the smoke has cleared.


That seems clear-cut, but it is not. Even the most necessary force often runs counter to the student’s social conditioning. Realistically, everything involved in self defense is breaking a law or, at minimum, a taboo. When you strike someone to defend yourself, even if the person is attacking you with a knife, you are committing the crime of assault (or battery, depending on how your local jurisdiction defines things.) Self-defense does not make the crime disappear, it makes it justified. Hitting someone is committing assault. Killing someone is intentional manslaughter. But even something as simple as setting boundaries is being rude to a stranger. Every last act that comprises self-defense are things most students have been taught never to do, or taught that bad people do them.


This social conditioning creates hesitation. It can get your students killed. One of your primary responsibilities as an instructor is to find your students glitches and work them out. It doesn’t matter how skilled a fighter you are if the small voice in the back of your head won’t let you act.


2) Violence Dynamics.

You must understand how crime and violence actually happen. Without this knowledge it is impossible to have a realistic and efficient defense. You will never meet a doctor who studied medicine and surgery but refused to study disease and injury. You will never meet a mechanic who practices with tools but has never looked at an engine. But it is endemic in martial arts and self-defense for instructors to have fifteen or more years of practice in “what to do if attacked by a bad guy” who have never spent a single day studying how bad guys attack. In any other field this would be considered literally insane and unforgivably negligent.


3) Avoidance, Escape and Evasion, De-escalation.

Your students must know it is okay NOT to fight and they must know how to NOT fight. It’s not enough to pay lip-service: “Always walk away if you can, but today we’re working on hitting people in the face…”  They must know it is the better (safer, more effective) thing to do. They must have the tools to avoid, escape or de-escalate violence, and they must practice those tools.


4) Counter assault.

Under the assumption that the students are smart enough to walk away from anything they see coming, it is axiomatic that they will be hit by something they didn’t expect. Or something they expected and were too arrogant to acknowledge. They need skills— simple, effective skills— trained to reflex speed to get past the sucker punch or ambush in one piece.


There are no perfect answers for counter-assault training, but there are some damn good ones. The technique itself must be efficient, have no decision tree (e.g. the technique is the same for right or left attacks, high or low, straight or circular, hand strikes or kicks, weapon or empty hand attacks), robust (meaning the technique still works even if done mostly wrong), and, ideally a “golden move” (prevents harm to you, injures the threat, betters your position, worsens the threat’s position or structure).


Proper operant conditioning can get the technique up to reflex speed.


5) Breaking the Freeze.

Well-trained and experienced operators still freeze, even if only to switch gears from patrol to combat mode. People freeze. It is natural. Some freeze in their minds, denying the attack is happening or trying to make a plan when there is no time for that. Some freeze chemically, getting such a dump of stress hormones that they are helpless. Many, especially in their first violent encounter, freeze because they do not know what will make things worse.


Your students need to understand that freezing exists, learn how to recognize when they are frozen and learn a method to break the freeze. It doesn’t matter how good they are at fighting if they stay frozen.


6) The Fight Itself.

Most training concentrates here and too many instructors believe that this is enough. But, obviously, you need to survive the sucker punch and break the freeze to even access this training. The good news, most things that are taught do work here.


The bad news, the circumstances under which those effective skills have to work will be completely different than what the student expects.


The student in the fight will not be the student that trained. In training, students are alert, sober, warmed up and stretched out, attentive and engaged, and not under the influence of adrenaline. Threats (bad guys) are not training partners. The threat is not trying to help you be a better person, does not care if you go to work tomorrow, and will be attacking you— fast, hard, up close and by surprise— not giving you predictable feeds to work on. And the fight happens in places with bad footing and lighting and improvised weapons and environmental hazards.


7) The Aftermath.

When the physical part of a self-defense situation is over, things are not over. There are potential legal, medical and psychological consequences as well as the possibility of retaliation. There is no consequence-free way to get involved in an intensely violent event, and the student unprepared to deal with the aftermath might bleed out, or say something that sends them to prison, or turn to drugs, alcohol or suicide. And that’s not a win.


Conclusion. All seven aspects are important, and they also affect each other. Working out your students’ ethics prevents freezes and also helps with the psychological aftermath. An event avoided has no injury, no paperwork and few internal issues. Students who have never heard “Everyone freezes” often interpret their own freezes as symptoms of cowardice and psychologically hammer themselves. Appropriate de-escalation or efficient hand-to-hand is impossible if one doesn’t recognize the dynamics of a particular act of violence. And a good counter-assault kicks in at the speed of nerve, giving you an edge before the stress hormones and freeze can even happen. All of these are important, and all work together.

To read more on these critical seven aspects you can read my book, Facing Violence


3 Things You Need to Know About Killing

on killing

There are few things to understand if you are forced to kill someone or in if someone is trying to kill you.

Most of the people are unaware of them but it is important to understand them.

As I said many times before, most people simply did not face real violence before. I mean killing or fighting for life. That’s good because we live in society where those things are not needed.

On the other side, from the point of survival if you did not went through serious violence before you lack that experience, you do not really know what to expect when SHTF So…

People are easy to kill or people are hard to kill?

Guess what? Both of the statements are actually true. How?

It is simple, first forget about movie scenes where people are flying 10 meters back when you shoot at them with your handgun.

Not too much flying there, when you shoot man from close distance couple of things can happen.

In some cases he just flop (collapse) down, and that’s it. He is gone. And most interesting thing from that experience is sound of his collapse. It is sound like some big bag of something full of wet stuff and some solid elements goes down. Pretty much what our body is.

It is special sound, and you willa remember it to the rest of your life.

Let’s say here that right placement of the shot, right distance, numbers of shots, and your training and calmness brings makes this happen.

In another case, you may find yourself in situation where attacker is coming to you, rapidly closing, you keep firing at him, distance is pretty close, and nothing happens… he is still closing, you shoot and shoot, you are screaming or you just think you are screaming, something loud keeps exploding in your ears, and you are not aware is that your gunshots or what, you are not even sure are guns being fired at all, maybe something is wrong with your gun „other guy’s eyes are getting closer and he is having a knife, he is huge, shit what is going on? Am I going to die? God? Mom?“

And then he is down.

Was that a guy that was hard to kill? Yes, later you figured that you shot him like 6 or 7 times, but not in correct places, he was huge, adrenaline made him forget the pain so…

Both examples are real experiences. There are so many factors that play into this…

So what with the questions about are folks easy or hard to kill, I suggest simple formula, if you are forced to kill someone, consider the fact that it takes lots of factors to be in right place to achieve that, but if if you are in situation when someone is trying to kill you act like it is very easy to get killed.

Long long time ago, when I was beginner in some things, and when I did not know anything about violence, and it was very clear that I will face violence, one old dude gave me advice about similar things, he had pistol with one extra mag.

He said: „ OK, when he is coming to you, you empty magazine into him“ I asked what then? He said “then you reload and empty another magazine into him“
I asked „ Both magazines?“
He said „First two bullets should do the job, but you just go and empty magazines at him“

Killing is nasty job.

Reasons for violence

Huge topic. But lets just say that it will happen, without going too deep into philosophy. Lots of the violence will be „understandable“ in a way, when SHTF. Fighting for food, water, land etc. And as a survivalist you need to be prepared for it. It makes sense to expect it.

But lots of people will have problems to accept violence that will happen without real reasons.

In fact, as I mentioned before, there are huge number of people who are waiting for SHTF to happen and to get violent without real reasons. Murdering, torturing, raping, imprisoning…

You may call them sick people, which they are of course. But more important is to understand that today they are folks who drink beer in local park, or guys with who you watch football games sometimes.

Or simply your peacefully looking neighbour. When SHTF, all kind of scum crawls out of their holes. So accepting violence in general is hard, it is easier when some people at least have some reasons but you can not expect this to be the case always. Prepare your mind for this.

Accepting the violence

You may have luck to live peacefully after seeing, experiencing or committing violence. Maybe you are built for that. Maybe you are what people call “strong man” inside and outside or only on one side.

I think I remember each man who died in front of me or next to me. I remember sounds, smells, pictures.

I forgot names and years, dates or places. But I remember moment when life goes from the eyes of dying man. Or deep last breaths from several people. Or simply smell of defecation when man is gone.

Few times I thought I felt something like weird sensation, couple of seconds after men’s last breath, something like I could felt his soul is leaving him.
Or I simply felt my adrenaline eruptions, or maybe I was losing my mind for a moment, who knows?

With time you learn to cope with those things, to watch people die, either people you loved, or people who die from your hand.

There was urban myth, that one officer from the army was asked something like „Captain, these young guys that we just killed in huge numbers, there are still kids left, they do not know anything, what do we do with them?“

Officer said „ We do what we do, it is our way of life“

It is death. And you simply need to cope with it.

That’s why working on your mindset for survival is so important. Join me at my survival course in Croatia later this year or check out my online course.

Share your thoughts and comments on how you prepare yourself for exposure to violence in our forum or comments below.

Gun Control? No, Thanks

survival weapon gun control

Talking about weapons is popular in prepper and survivalist community and it is perfectly logical because it is really important too.

But outside the community there are discussions about if it is it OK to have (or use) weapons, so if you are standing up for your right to own weapons and defend yourself you often are seen as person who likes violence or is bad person in general.

I still remember the moment when I had my own personal revelation about weapons and owning weapons, and I will remember that moment until I die.

I found myself on the street, and at the end of the street, half kilometer from me three guys in olive colored uniforms were beating two other guys, and then one of the guys in uniform simply raised his rifle and shoot one of the guys they were just beating.

They continued to kick other guy, then two uniformed guys took the beaten guy by the hands in order to make him hold still, and other guy shoot him in the head.

Now distance was too far, but I am still quite positive they shoot him in the head, because I saw how his head exploded, splashing back to the wall, and I think two guys held him by hands in order to give opportunity to the third guy to shoot in head without mistakes.

I stand still watching all that, and then my reflexes probably automatically jumped in and I panicked and started to run. Guys saw me and fired couple of shots at me, but I continued to run.

I remember that during this time when I was running I was looking automatically around myself for something to defend myself if they catch me, something…., stick, rock, whatever. All kind of rubble was around me but I simply continued to run with one thought that was like echoing in my head „F#@k! If they catch me, I can only pull my belt from my pants and try to beat them with that. F#$@k!“ I keep running for maybe next 10 minutes, through destroyed buildings, I even kicked some guy who suddenly stand in front of me out of nowhere, he was probably scared just like me.

I survived that. Those three guys most probably did not follow me at all, but adrenaline pumping through my body simply did not let me to stop until I came home and was at safety more or less. And there, at my home, I had only one thought loud and clear in my head : „I need weapon“

I saw violence before that, but that event somehow showed me that weapons are good, weapons are necessary, weapons save lives and take lives but it depends on the person who uses it.

I had some kind of opinion about weapons before that event, just like most of the guys, weapons kill people, violence is bad, there are good guys with weapons like police or similar and there are bad guys with weapon like criminals, and there are some kind of control between them (leverage) and there are whole bunch of other common folks who trust in that leverage and control.

Yeah there are common folks with weapons too, but they still have faith in that balance, and weapons for these guys is nothing more than a hobby, or some kind of internal thing that they feel strong with having a weapon around.

But after that event, everything changed. From that moment all words like law, police, criminals, system and everything else disappeared for me. After this event, and this sounds stupid, but I fell in love with weapons. In the months that followed weapons were some of most important tools for survival. It became very natural to handle weapons and to have it all the time with me.

I mean all the time. Now you may say that during the war it is natural to have weapon, and it is nothing big, and that wars happen somewhere in land where savages lives, and that you have system there where you live, and there are good guys with weapons and bad guys with weapons, and you are in the middle, and all that you need is to obey and then system is going to protect you, and you do not need to have weapon if you trust in system.

I agree with that, this is how I was thinking before this one event as well. Maybe the two guys who got killed also thought like this. It was early on, just few days after war came to our city. I learned my lessons and you can learn more about my experience as well by reading this blog or joining my survival course.

Death is ugly, killing is bad but it is very natural thing for people when they fight for survival and resources. I think problem of people who are against weapons is that they do not want to accept facts of what can happen to them and then they are the ones who run away and have only a belt to fight with when they face bad people.

What are your thoughts on owning weapons and gun control? Share in comments below or in forum.

The AK 47 My Weapon of Choice


„The Zastava M-70 is an assault rifle developed and produced in Yugoslavia, nowadays Kragujevac, Serbia by Zastava Arms company. The design of the M-70 was based on modified Soviet AK-47 and AKM assault rifles and it became the standard issue weapon in the Yugoslav People’s Army in 1970. The M-70 is an air-cooled, magazine-fed, selective fire rifle. This weapon is also available as a modern sporting rifle in the US without select fire capabilities.“

This above sounds like someone is trying to say something interesting, but he failed in that. It is simply dry facts about something that meant lot for us in those times, thing that saved many lives, and took many too.

Of course nobody calls it M70, type A, B or whatever type there was. Not too many people call it AK, few call it Kalashnikov, or simply shorter and more familiar name:“Kalash“. Like we were talking about kids nickname or your favourite uncles name.

Favourite name was „gipsy woman“ or „gipsy lady“.

In the beginning of the war, all kind of weapons were in use. Some of those artefacts were used more to instil fear in enemy then to harm someone.

So in one period it was normal to see guy with his grandpa hunting rifle, two belts of bullets for bird hunting on his waist, and even green hat on his head with bird feather on it.

He was looking more like he is going to some party with barbecue and lot of alcohol where he is going to sing a lot and fire few bullets in the air while singing songs than like someone who is shooting people.

And of course all kinds of weapons were pouring in through illegal channels. Most of that was simply junk that some warlords from some other country were trying to get rid of in country where war just started and everyone wants some kind of weapon.

Whenever someone asks me did I see some weapon or use it in war, I said yea, I saw and did. But most were bad weapons.

So you could see lot of weapons that were „strange“ to this region. Some of those items fell apart after first hundred of rounds. Sometimes killing the newborn warrior who finally had this first weapon.

Also there were events where some grandpas digged out old German MP gun, taken some 45 years ago from German soldiers and carefully hidden somewhere under meters of earth because „you know we live in Balkan and you never know“.

So in one period it was confused mix of all kind of small weapons usually too old and in very bad shape and used by people who are not so familiar with weapons. Accidents happened daily.

It was like some futuristic computer game where you could see fighter jets bombing area and at the same time guy with 100 years old rifle trying to shoot that plane.
But pretty soon after that, after the army barracks were taken, and I guess better warlords jumped in on the trade, „gipsy woman“ took over.

For ordinary folks it was rifle that somehow was easy to get into, it was easy to use, and easy to handle. Some of the reasons why AK 47 has become so popular everywhere in the world.

Most of the folks did not take care of it too much. I mean even if it was cleaned it was not cleaned in proper way and with proper equipment. And yes it was mistreated, dirty, left in dust or rain, kicked, fell on ground many times and thrown away when we were jumping for cover.

Do not misunderstand me, it was not something that created instant warriors, but it was the perfect rifle for that time and people who used it.

There were mant accidents and stupid events, like a guy who had adrenaline rush and forgot that he needed to switch safety so he tried and tried to shoot, but nothing. At the end he beat the other man with rifle like he was holding a baseball bat and not a rifle, luckily the other guy was confused more than him so this worked.

People made lots of mistakes in that time. Knowledge about weapons and knowledge about fighting was very low, so that was another reason why folks loved that rifle. Easy to handle and easy to kill.

Real event from that time was that after one group broke in military storage they took cases with rifles, but nobody touched guided anti tank missiles. At that moment nobody had a clue how they worked. Too heavy to carry and rifles had real value. Another urban legend is that some folks tried to fire one of the rockets but they failed to understand how to operate the small joystick so they blew themselves and their buddies up.

Later I lay my hands and used for some time „other“ favourite weapon that folks like compare with popularity of AK. My first impression was „oh man, this is so nice, easy and cute“ but again, maybe I am stubborn, I prefferer AK.

It is about me only maybe, it is simply a heavy duty tool for me. Tool that is reliable and can make you being violent more effective.

There are endless discussion which one is better, and endless list of arguments, and many people spend more time reading weapon magazines than preparing or learning new skills for survival. Again I keep saying it is not about which one is better.

It is which one is better for you, for your region, your size, your knowledge but like with all survival equipment make sure it is weapon that can take a beating. Just like with camping equipment today there are very light tents that are very high tech but they are not good for real survival scenarios when we talk about maybe months of use.

The next step is thinking about how to fix your weapon. Again just like a good tent can be fixed with normal stuff, you should be able to fix your weapon if you have to.

Today situation is different than 20 years ago, world is getting smaller, it is easier to get your hands on weapons that you like and at least promise to make you so much more dangerous for enemies. That’s better, we all can see or try many different types or weapon, we can actually feel how it works before we obtain it at shooting ranges.

Think about your weapon not in perfect time and surroundings, try to imagine yourself in your worst moments of your life. You are cold, hungry, in pain or fear, when your kid is home sick without medication and you feel like some very heavy weight is pressing down on you from all the pressure. Standing up to this sort of challenge is what makes survival hard and lets strong people survive. So it will not be weapon only and if you choose your weapon make sure it is something that you can still operate in the worst mental, physical and maybe also natural conditions. At times when you are almost too exhausted to walk but you know you have to.

What is your go to weapon for SHTF and why? Please share in comments or on our community forum.

Stopping Power Myths & What Really Matters to Stop Attackers


Another great and favourite topic in survival community is matter of best caliber and weapon for SHTF, and ammo with most stopping power. Stopping power means how quickly and with few bullets you can make threat unable to attack you or anyone else.

I tell you now, even for urban survival and the situation I have been through and speak about in my course, it is more important to discuss water filtering in urban SHTF scenarios than talking about stopping power.

Do not get me wrong, I am perfectly aware that burst from the machine gun in the man standing in front of you will do much more damage (and probably will stop him forever) than shooting at him with a pistol.

I have seen and been in lots of gunfights and in real life, shootings are not so simple that guy with bigger gun wins.

It is about you

Guy who was standing next to me pulls pistol (TT 7.62 mm like in the picture above) at attacker who was starting to run away from us. I did not want to shoot at the guy because he was running away from us, and I thought he did not need to be shot, but my friend thought different.

Anyway, he raises the pistol, and fired 6 bullets at the guy. Guy was some 6-7 meters from him. And he missed him, all six bullets missed the guy, who run away.

Guy who was running away was moving away from us, but not in straight line, he was moving diagonally so I guess that adds little bit to why all bullets missed.

But man who was shooting from the pistol did next:

  1. He held the pistol with one hand
  2. Fired 6 shots in very fast manner (recoil did its job so he did not spend to reacquire target)
  3. Screamed very loud while shooting

I had (and still have) lot of confidence in TT pistol, it is reliable and scary thing in good hands, and can do lot of damage.
But point is that you are the man who makes the shot (and kills). So first you need to work on your skills. A .22 bullet to the head is worth more than .45 to the shoulder. Common sense.

Weapon is something that in my opinion needs to be good and correct for you and your hand. There is no point in having some weapon just because it is good for someone else, maybe it is completely wrong for you.

Recoil, trigger pull and general feel are just few of many factors that determine what makes sense. Get gun that enables you to hit your target even if people on shooting range shoot bigger caliber. We train for survival and not to show off.

About gunshot wounds

Gunshot wounds are kinda strange stuff, because you never know what you can expect from it. When bullets enter the body it can make quite interesting stuff, so I have seen people being hit from high caliber weapon and they even did not know they are hit, OK adrenaline works there too, but it is simply important the vital organs are damaged.

Bullets can have very weird path once they enter the body, so even if entrance wound looks not so dangerous it still can shred organs in body.

You never know what it will be, because there are many factors involved like weapon caliber, distance, angle… Bullets ricocheting from wall or ceiling above you still can kill you, actually small pieces of wall exploded from bullet hits can kill you if they hit right spot.

Generally speaking exit wound (if there is any) should look more “nasty” than entrance wound, but still there were cases when in middle of the fight some folks did not know they had any wound at all, until later they were carefully examined and entrance and exit wound were found.

I treated man once who had gunshot wound in forearm, some 10 minutes after the battle people pointed at him and at the blood coming all along his arm and fingers. He had entrance and exit wound, no bone damaged, and still no pain. Adrenaline.

Stopping power, penetration etc.

Remember the guy from the beginning of the post, maybe if he had knife or alternative weapon in that moment he would stop that man with more success.

And yes, I would always choose to have good and reliable pistol over a spear, but you get my point. I have seen guys who “stop” other guys with bullets from .22 CZ rifle in some very very cool (and scary) way, and on quite some distance. They simply were good with that rifle.

Shots in the head and chest have more chances to “stop” a man. Man can be also stopped with few shots in legs, but remember that he still can shoot you.

Still do not expect that man will be “blown away” with one shot in the chest, like i movies. Even if you hit the man in heart, he still have chance to shoot you.

So in short, yes, bullets in chest and head are good, but BULLETS not A BULLET. Just be sure. Keep shooting until the threat is gone. Nothing worse than stopping too early.

Bullets in the stomach are bad things, but I have seen people firing back at their attacker with rifle with their intestines hanging out.

Also important to consider is the meaning of the word “cover”. Remember that some things just cannot give you enough cover. There is not much better than big pile of compact dirt or concrete wall between you and man who shoots at you.

Use common sense with taking cover, objects like wooden door, bush, glass and similar are not cover, they are concealment. They can maybe HIDE you, but you still can be killed with bullets through it.

Many times I mentioned it that in SHTF you need lots of ammo, people shoot at whatever is suspicious. If you are hiding behind wooden door, attacker can shoot burst just through the door, to be sure. You are not covered.

Will to kill

When I wrote those 3 points about what the guy with TT gun did and why he did not shoot the other man, there needs probably (but I never know for sure) to be number 4 and that is “he did not want to kill the man”.

Yes, even in life threatening situations lots of people simply would choose not to kill, even if that means death for them. I believe it is something that some people simply can not do. They are not capable of that, to take some other mans life.

Maybe it looks that this is not connected with this topic about stopping power, but it is. So while choosing what weapon is good for you, you need to ask yourself “am I capable of taking other mans life?”. Any hesitation can kill you when it matters, whatever caliber you have.

Lesson here is, instead of researching “tacticool” stuff online, learning about survival and going down to shooting range and finding gun with common round in the area that one shoots well with is what makes sense. The gun you know how to use best has biggest stopping power.

Share your opinion about this topic over here.

Widespread riots now in my country. My thoughts on riots.

Like I said before, situation can change from good to bad quickly. Especially when people are tired of whats going on. In my country 40% of people have no jobs, widespread corruption, prices are expensive for almost everything. There are now riots in several cities in my region here, spreading all over the country.

I have been in riots before, and also been in riots that lead into the full scale war we had, so there are few things that I want to explain you about riots:

Psychology of riots

Yes, riots have their own psychology, and it is not all about big number of the people as they say, because it is about HOW FAR that group of the people will go (is ready to go).

So you may have some celebration of sport club victory that go wrong and ends with few turned over cars burning, yelling at police and girls showing tits, I am not talking about that kind of riot.

In real riot you must be ready to understand that you do not have friends there in terms of sides, for example if you are there with protesters that do not mean that police is your enemy and other protesters are your friends.

Think like you are alone and everyone is your possible enemy.

I watched same 200 or 300 guys blocking firefighters cars by throwing torches, molotov cocktails and stones on them in order to not let them extinguish fire in a building.

30 minutes later same guys help them put that fire out, then again throwing stones at them shortly after.

It is important to understand crowd behavior. If you have crowd of people without clear mission, simply the moments are important when few guys yell “noooooo” or “yeaaaaaah” and everyone listens to them. This happens in harmless situations like football stadium when crowds chant same songs, but this also happens in bad situations when it comes to fighting and killing.

All it takes for one person is getting attention of the crowd. Most people go with what most people do. Just get 3-4 people join you running towards barricades and soon 20 more follow. I do not recommend you ever try this because if someone else screams you are part of enemy group or whatever and people start believing it, things turn bad for you quickly. Just keep in mind that in chaotic situations with many people someone with a plan can easily make others follow them. This can become helpful if you want to create chaos to get away from situation or similar.

Some people always take advantage of this. When whole crowd is busy running in one direction they do their own business. Opening up cars and stealing things or similar. Some “helpful” guys also empty pockets of wounded people in riots to “identify them”. It is all possible because people’s attention is somewhere else.

“A riot is language of the unheard”

Martin Luther King, Jr.

Of course I agree with this, but please keep in mind that riot is sometimes also language of those who do not have anything smart to say.

When you go out to join riots be ready that huge number of your fellow rioters will be there for different reasons then you. So it is good to make some difference between them. For example:

They enjoy violence

Yep, number of people are just waiting for their chance to be violent, hurt and destroy. For them it is not important why they do that, and they do not have sides, so be ready that they can do some violence to you too. Many of them are in frenzy and they come in groups.

They are curious

People want to see “what that is happening over there?” so they will be there without reason, they just stand there to see something interesting, take some photo or similar.

They want to “change” things

Yes, there are people who are thinking that they will change something with rioting, and funny but from my experience their number is usually low.

They want to “acquire” things (steal)

Rioting is great opportunity to get some stuff. I am not suggesting anything, I am just saying how things are. Everybody chooses for himself. In one city government building got burned down and guess what happened as well? Supermarket next door got looted.

They want to become “leaders”
From my experience I am very cautious about the people who are taking the lead in the middle of rioting. It may be only me but they often have different agenda from the obvious. I am talking about real violent riots. Openly they are these “for the cause” of course, but more often than not, turns out they are the first people who start looting with small group of friends, while crowd is fighting police.

All this sounds interesting maybe and that is why many people go to riots. To see what’s going on or get adrenaline kick. Especially when you suspect things can turn bad, SHTF, then avoid being curious and do not go.

If you go make sure you watch from good distance for some time to understand “the game”. Watch how crowds move, where they retreat to and think always about additional ways to get out of chaos.

You better have good reasons to be part of riots. Forget about dreams of being leader, or fighting for someone else’s cause. We as survivalists have to be smarter than that. If you are sure that the riots will lead to end of law and order and this is the last time you can secure important resources, decision to stay away from all this is much harder.

If you are member of my online course you know how important alcohol that we secured from factory after all hell broke lose was for the months that came after. So for these situations there are no clear answers.

If you have interesting experiences with crowds and violence, please share in comments. For me personally, I spend time with family away from any city in coming days.

When your loved ones get hurt or killed

For man to have family means lot of things. Family means a lot of work and worries, but also a lot of happiness. A good family means support when you are having problems or you are in some difficult periods of your life of course.

When SHTF it can work in both ways too, bad and good, but definitely having family will help you more than being alone.

I mentioned many times why it is better to be with other (close) people when SHTF then to be alone. My course where I talk in detail about my experiences in war has many situations that I would not have survived without my family.

There is one other side to that, during SHTF when anarchy and fighting for survival means violence and you see people close to you get hurt or killed.

Lots of people here in my country have gone through that, including me, and of course after first reactions that are common to all of us (grief, anger, sadness…) we react different.

How we managed to cope with the pain, formed our whole future life, it formed us, destroyed some, and even gave strength to few.

When you lose someone because of illness or old age or traffic accident, maybe you may accuse bad health system, or similar, or even God, but eventually you will say „It is life, we all gonna die, it is how it is supposed to be“.

But when you lost someone close because someone shot him during a fight between two opposite groups (because they different, or because the hate each other, or just because one group wanted resources from another group) it is different.

Or let s just say that you are watching your close friend or family member dying because you lack some medicine after everything collapsed, but you know that there is medicine for some people there, and no medicine for others, because of power, wealth, politic or religious reasons.

It can change your whole perspective of life. It can put lots of RAGE in you.

And it is RAGE written in capitals. It lasts for years, and it can drive all your decisions, it can consume you at the end.

I’ve seen (and still see) lot of people here with it.

One example would be guy who watched how his family was killed just because they are different nationality from the killers.

He survived because he played dead, later he said that actually it was not about playing, he simply was shocked and paralyzed. He was 13, he survived his wounds and grew up into man whose mission is to prepare for the next SHTF event, next war.

He finds his meaning of life in preparing for the next SHTF, but with lots of hate and rage, he became obsessed with hating other groups of people, who killed his family, and actually at the end he became like them. He is alone now, no family, just hate.

All his life has become about preparing for revenge. Rage and hate is driving him. He keeps talking about big day of payback. His mission is to make other people lose their families like he lost his one.

Other example is man who lost his daughter who was 9 years old. She suffocated inside burning house that other folks turned on fire, he survived.

He had some period of hard drinking, after that he turned himself towards religion. His life is now about love and forgiveness. He is in some NGO that is trying to create dialogue between victims from all sides. He is alone too and obsessed with his mission.

I drink coffee with him sometimes, he is all into love and forgiveness. He is not really preparing for next SHTF event because he is believing in „non violent solving of problems“ and similar.

Both guys, stories, and examples are how things can end up.

I drink sometimes coffee with the hateful guy too. Where he gives me „adrenaline“, other guy gives me „peace“.
I like both of them for what they are but if you ask me now, I think that for the future SHTF event, they are both running into major problems with their ideas.

First one is blind because of his hate, other dude because of his love. I think (and that is only my opinion) that they both take wrong lessons from their experiences.

It is not all about love and not all about hate. You may call me idiot but yeah too much love and faith into the people may (and will) kill you eventually too.

As I said, I ve lost family members and friends too, and I had my portion of coping with that. And it was not perfect, I had periods when RAGE „colored“ my life dark red, when all my actions were driven by it.

Luckily I overcame that. I have not get ridden of my RAGE but toned it down, so rage now. Probably it is not even possible, but I kinda learned to control it. Sometimes it still controls me, but it is rare.

I like to think that love and hate are parts of life (rage too) and too much of each one can misguide you actually. It is just me, maybe I am wrong. At the end of day, survival is about having options.

Use your love to form strong connections with your group, use your hate to have energy and motivation to reach your goals (but do not let any of these emotions control you).

Have good time with people close to you in coming days. No matter what your mission is, nothing is worth to be alone.