Some 20 years ago, I was lying in improvised shelter on side of the street, behind big iron garbage truck that was rolled over and full of holes. I waited for dark so I can move on.

I was not alone, me and my friend shared that small piece of cover from open view and snipers with three guys. I know one of them from before, but that did not actually meant anything.

When shooting started we all jumped there almost at the same time. After few minutes we agreed that we gonna share it until the night.

Some half hour later one of them pull out from his bag small fm radio, kinda that we called “pensioner radio”, for walking and listening sports events in normal world.

Actually it looked like he pulled from his bag some brown package and on it was radio taped. That brown package was some kind of homemade battery pack, made I guess from different batteries, 2 times bigger than radio.

Anyway it was important thing in that time, I speak about how important information was in my course.

We all looked at that “machine” like bunch of cavemen would. It was ticket to get more information, real information, not just rumors and reports of crazy killings, that was our hope.

He turned that on, and all that he could find was radio station in other country, pretty close by distance, but light years away at same time. We were listening to some music very quietly, then news came.

We were listening how speaker talked about events in our region, he was something like: “and battles continued …” and that was it.

After that there were long talks about some songs contest, and some dude was interviewed. He talked about his terrible problems in finding correct clothes for movie scene, then about his stage fright… And then radio stops to work.

Big dude who owns it says comically “screw it, it looks like batteries needs some break.”

Rest of us were quiet. But I am sure that we were thinking pretty much same. Here we are, couple of guys in rags, one has some kind of uniform made from 3-4 different uniforms, some have weapon, one has kind of fishing hat on his head, like in some parody.

One guy chewed something, I do not think it was food, he just chewed it for too long. Like he was trying to chew piece of shoe.

Other had two different snickers on his legs, probably result of looting some mall in starting days. Probably all of us together in last 24 hours had like one meal shared among us.

We all hiding behind destroyed dumpster truck, waiting for the night, while some other dude on other side waiting for our heads to come up so he can shoot us. He probably was hungry and weird looking like we are.

And at same time few hours driving distance from there, main problems were how some probably funny looking guy is afraid to go to movie scene, and end of the world problems about choosing correct clothes for that same scene and musical performance.

I had moment much more dangerous before and after that event, but somehow in that moment, I emotionally touched the bottom.

Simply nobody cares for us, we were no news anymore. Left alone. “Battle continues…”

Few months before that same media were screaming about “problems in regions, fear of people getting armed, we need to defend, we need to fight, freedom does not have price, we will prevail, democratic changes, we have the right…”

Leaders from all sides were frantically announcing new age of democracy while in background they prepared to flee. Media helps folks to form opinions, to do things, to start things to happen. And then when all is set in motion you are simply not news anymore.

Same radio host screamed about need “to protect our rights” and “do not fear”. Then same guy told us that it is impossible that war happens because “we have leaders that will find solution” while at same time leaders were leaving area, or piling stuff for tomorrows black market.

We figured later that same leaders own the media actually.

Then when S. hit the fan, pretty soon when every day becomes same in meaning that every day is killing, starving, violence etc. It is not news anymore. Media just covers exciting stuff, because its their business. This is same for all media, also media that keeps saying collapse happens tomorrow and then the week later and then month later.

Mainstream media says everything is good, politicians take care of you and some alternative media keeps promoting news that everything is bad, collapse happens even before it happens. They also need to keep people interested. They all play news theater to keep people interested.

The lesson I learned is dont trust and care about any media much. Be prepared but not scared whole time that collapse happens tomorrow. That is why you are prepared, no need to worry too much. Just monitor events but forget about “opinion pieces”. Look at history of reporter if you plan to trust someone. He uncovered “big scandal” already 3 times but it was only big scandal for him? Forget about him, he or his media company just wants attention or save your time and realize most reporter wants big story and attention and just a few want to really inform people.

Few days ago I was checking one internet page about “world events by years”. I checked the year that I was writing about here, and there were many “important events” in that year.

I found two events very loosely linked to my region, out of the many. One was about some politic demonstration, other was about some agreement. Both of them were in my wider region, but not even close to my city.

Nothing about people in rags fighting for their lives, eating grass boiled in water, catching rain, drinking mud sometimes.

Media showed us in a way. Then media forgot us, we were not usable anymore, we simply did not exist. I understand that, same guys still fighting in same city and so on. It is just important that news show what is new and not really what is going on.

For years I very rarely watched TV, or listened to radio. Not following famous shows, my opinions are not formed by actors, singers, sport stars, or idiots who are famous for one season.

If I find something specific that I want to check I will check it, but I do not want to be pulled in media grinding machine of opinion forming. I read different news articles from different networks and try to find people on twitter who are on the ground of event.

As survivalist and prepper you need most accurate information to make decisions and that is why knowing what is really going on in neighborhood or city is often more important than some shooting of single guy hundreds of miles away. But media always needs drama and presents it in way that its interesting for most people.

Every time when I hear somewhere on radio or TV “shocking news” or “battle started” I imagine few guys in few months laying somewhere in dirt, while nobody cares for them because there is a new star with huge butt, and everyone knows her, in biggest city or in smallest village, even somewhere where electric energy is still new thing. Keep the stupid masses entertained.

Point of everything again is that when SHTF you are alone with what you have prepared and learned. Do not expect media to paint real picture of situation. They are there for news. After initial news and maybe even help from outside because your area is in spotlight you are left alone. Don’t be surprised when you are forgotten.

That’s why we learn to take care of ourselves.

Some call it 72 hour bag, Get Out Of Dodge Bag, Get Back Home Bag or however. Making the perfect bug out bag definitely can mean difference between life and death, and there are many philosophies about what should be in it and what not. This is my take on it. It is a budget / cheap bug out bag and makes sense for me. I have some different products but tried to find most similar I could on Amazon because this is what most people have access to.

First lets start with some considerations before assembling it.

Do you need a bug out bag or survival bag?

A bug out bag is for bugging out and not living forever in woods. Survival bag is more for long term living outdoors. A bug out bag is smaller and light, a survival bag is big and has more stuff in it of course.

My philosophy for bug out bags is, you need to have things with you that gonna bring you to your desired location. Nothing less and nothing more. Traveling light is key here, not traveling comfortable. If you can do both – great, but if you need to choose then choose to travel light, fast and maneuverable. You are maybe gonna be forced to run, jump, duck, use weapon with that bag on your back.

I see long lists of things from people who seem to go on camping trip with their bug out bags. Makes no sense to me. You have survival bag or camping bag if you have no bug out location and plan to live in the woods. But before you head for the hills “to live off land” you better know what you do. Otherwise bugging in is better. Anyway, that is something for another article. But if you have a bug out location, getting there fast is most important.

Choosing the right backpack is matter of what you like, your items you carry and of course it must always matter that you keep low profile. So if you are bugging out from city you do not want to look like you are SWAT team member. Nobody survives because of style as well. If you have bug out bag at office then choose a bag that looks like laptop backpack. If you have bug out bag at home, choose a casual sports backpack in darker colors (and without any reflector).

How long are you bugging out?

You are making your bug out bag for bugging out to a safe location your bug out location and it takes you X days to get there. Depending how many days you gonna be there you gonna carry that many items.

It is great thing to have lot of useful things with you on your way to bug out location, but even better thing is to have some useful things and be able to move fast and efficiently.

Just take your perfect bug out bag and do some testing in real life, in some hard conditions, with bad weather.

Here is what I recommend for basic bug out bags.

1.Shelter

I carry trash bags that you can also use inside your backpack to keep things dry and three emergency blankets. Here is higher quality emergency blanket but watch out that it is not too heavy or takes too much space.

I also sleep in shelter in form of a poncho. This is cheap poncho, you look unprepared with it and that is great if you are in city.

If you are out of sight of people switch to a better one like this one or if you have money to spend this one.

Alternative could be to use a tarp of course.

2. Hygiene

I have toilet paper, hand sanitizer, and alcohol pads (if you cant use it in your face or on skin use antiseptic wipes).

Perfect way to keep yourself clean or take care of small cuts in quick way. Some soap is good to have too. Not brushing teeth for few days, bad breath is least of problems.

3.Food

Snacks are good enough. Some energy bars, MREs and a spork is all I have for food.

Do not think about your way to bug out location as a picnic, or nature trip. It is gonna look more like dangerous escape from war zone, so you need to act like that. Most probably you are going to eat very fast and you need something simple or you are too tired to cook anyway.

4. Fire

Take many ways of starting a fire. Besides regular Bic lighter I have Zippo lighter, survival matches, firestarter, tinder, hexamine tablets and vaseline soaked cotton balls with me.

You are maybe not gonna be in position to start fire, maybe you are not gonna need it, or maybe it is gonna be too dangerous to start it, but once when you needed you need to be absolutely positive that you can start it safe and quick. A small fire does much for your body and in many situations maybe even more for your mind.

I want to have more ways to start fire because I still remember how important it is.

One night I was stranded out in one ruined building while outside was raining like waterfalls. It was unsafe to travel so I spent night there, hidden behind pile of rubble in something that was months before living room.

I choose only 5-6 square meters where was relatively hidden and start fire. I start it with lighter and some remains of curtain, then I used wood junk from the rooms and apartments to keep it going. It was stinky, my eyes were burning from wet wood and my attempts to “cover” light of the fire with some steel plate without extinguishing it.

I was wet, tired, hungry, and without too many plans for future.

It was spooky and weird to have fire in complete darkness of ruined and half burned apartment where still on wall were pieces of some tiles with different flowers. I did not cook anything on that fire, or boil water for coffee, tea or whatever, I did not have anything.

Only “material” use of that fire was that I dried my socks on it, but it was not too important at that moment, I survived many days with wet socks.

Real use of that fire was that I felt that my strength and will was coming back to me. After some time I felt much better, I had my will again.

Everything is different when you have fire with you. It not only helps your body…

5. Water

Canteen cup kit, water treatment solution, filter and a hydration reservoir. I also have water bottle to fill up hydration reservoir quickly next to it on shelf. Do not carry too much water but make sure you have everything to make clean water yourself.

6. Tools and more

I carry multitool, folding knife and a knife.

It’s nice to have smartphone with GPS but also carry a map of the area, compass and make sure you know how to use them.

I carry three lights. A torchlight, nano light and a headlamp. Sometimes it make sense to use strong torchlight, but in other circumstances it make more sense to use small light, without making yourself visible from great distances.

I have also created small first aid kit, but you can buy already assembled one such as this. Add a good bandage as well.

Try to carry FM radio to get some information. If you have space there are good hand crank radios available. To have information in moments of bugging out can be very important. Listen to radio with headphones to conserve energy.

Small things you should also have are some paracord (maybe in form of bracelet) and of course duct tape.

When it comes to types of carrying all of this and how to organize it you must always have things that are very important close to you and in a way separated from your backpack.

That means that you will keep your weapons on your belt or under the jacket, your small survival box, some ammo, flask, means to start fire and some power bars in some small bag on your hip, around your neck or similar.

We all probably carry our pistol as every day carry (EDC). In my case EDC is just gonna be small addition to bug out bag. It usually consists of pistol, extra magazine, lighter, flashlight, folding knife, keys, cell phone, heavy duty scissors and wallet. But keep in mind that how many things you have in your EDC depends on your “moving” distances. Or how far you are from more stuff (in your car, job, home) so I have not much with me all the time.

7. Clothing

In layers

Clothes in layers makes easy to you to take off something if you feeling too hot, or to take peace of clothes on if getting too cold. Do not forget that by making mistakes in this area can lead to hypothermia or in other cases in heat exhaustion if you losing too much water by sweating without controlling it.

Check for clothes that repel wind, dry quickly, clothes that stay warm even when wet etc. Try polyester (military style pants, shirts etc) wool underwear and some insulation layers with fleece. Have one set of extra clothes in your bug out bag.

Clothes that blend in

You do not want to look different remember that so also when it comes to clothes try to have usual stuff on you, or if you want and have something special just try to cover it with something usual. Remember that looking too different draws attention and that is bad.

If your clothes looks too good or too “new” it makes sense to make it look dirty before you move on. Even today when I buy new sneakers for example I first make them dirty but that is because I live in high crime area.

8. Footwear

Your footwear needs to be chosen completely based on nature of your trip, not on other folks ratings. So it make sense to wear for example sneakers in city because of speed and mobility, and when you move to woods to change to something else. Pair of gators in combination with boots make sense.

Remember that you need to wear your new footwear before emergency scenario. Do not make mistake and put your new boots on for the first time when bugging out. Blisters can cripple you and I saw people losing feet because of infected blisters.

Your compass and map you are keeping in your pocket or small waist pack. In that way if you find yourself in situation that you need to loose your backpack you are still gonna be able (hopefully) to finish your trip.

My shelf system

Having your bug out bag always ready somewhere on some shelf makes much sense, but having the things ready for bugging out on shelves and way of quickly assembling your bug out bag is much better idea in my opinion.

Point is to have all things that you gonna need for your three or more day trip to your bug out location ready and sorted on one shelf, so you can easily check it every day.

Another reason is that there is no perfect bug out bag for every situation, so it makes sense to have some stuff available for your BOB so you can quickly choose something and leave something else.

Remember that you can not take everything.

In some situation it is gonna make sense to take gas mask with you maybe and leave something else.

Making bug out bag, and putting it on shelf and then waiting for SHTF can be problem, you have to check stuff that is in your bug out bag, you have to know each item very good, and check it often. It is easy to forget about what you have in your bag when you have assembled it and put aside for some time.

Choosing correct bag type is important too, so it is good to have few different type bags ready for quick packing.

Some more thoughts

Your bug out bag must have things that you KNOW how to use, so it is much better to have butterfly closures that you know how to use than full wound sewing kit without real knowledge about it (and without real need).

If this concept of bug out bag sounds like you are missing lot of things, please consider again the fact that your task with this bag is to reach your bug out location on quickest and safest way, not most comfortable way. Do you want to be slowed down for a bit more comfortable night? I don’t. I also speak in detail about reasons why mobility mattered so much during my time in war in my survival course. Sneakers beat big boots back then.

If you still think to add more things to your bag to make your way easier then think about possibility of hiding some stuff on your way to your bug out location.

It has many benefits. You get to know your way to your bug out location in detail when you search for good hiding places for example.

In setting those secret places with stuff on your way to your bug out location follow few rules:

1. Always use three possible ways to bug out location, and hide stuff there because you never know what way you are gonna use.

2. Hide small stashes at many places, instead more stuff at few places. Reason is again fact that you do not know what circumstances gonna be during bugging out, and what kind of obstacles you gonna have. Just have more choices.

3. Have some system in tracking correct places where you hid the things, it is much easier to forget places than most people think.

It can be GPS device, or simply some photos taken, or some coded message describing correct place. Remember that you may give that info to someone (friend, family member). Get creative, maybe some place only you and your wife know as a starting point.

What you gonna hide depends how long your trip is, and what kind of situation is gonna be but every small thing gonna help in those times.

Canned food, MREs, fuel, aluminum foil, ammo, first aid kits, duct tape…

You can have best equipment available but if YOU did not test it, it does not mean too much. After you assemble everything go on hiking trip and test all, test equipment in rain, in forest during the night time, try to make yourself shelter from trash bag with insulating it with leafs, or whatever else you have for shelter.

Try to find a stash at night or to read compass at night… You may say here “OK what about mosquito repellent, sun lotion, survival manual, tent, solar charger … and lot of other things.”

If you want those, my suggestion would be that you buy ALL things that you like to have with you, assemble it in bug out bag and have two day trip that includes sleeping in woods, running (from someone) trying to hide, trying to get to the bug out location on time etc.

Speed counts more than comfort.

After that take all equipment and sort it again to make it lighter, you will see that suddenly you are going to find some stuff you do not want to have actually (or you find something you missed, but practice is important).

More about bugging out and weapons in next article. Please share some ideas about your bug out bag in comments.

Imagine this:

Last thing that you remember is that you were standing with few of your friends in street, now you are laying on ground and looking around you and there is blood running next to your leg, there is something in your throat and it suffocates you, you are trying to remove it with your fingers but nothing comes out, you are trying to swallow it but it is of no help, you are trying to scream but nothing comes out of your mouth. And thing that scare you most is that you notice blood on your pants in groin region, and you think that all future fun is gone.

And then (thanks God) you pass out. Everything starts to hurt later.

This all happened long time ago, but I still remember everything like it is happened yesterday, or like it is happening everyday. I feel very sorry for those innocent killed people in Boston.

I feel sorry for wounded too. Even when they recover they will be wounded for the rest of their lives.

Few times people told me that my experiences are war experiences and they are not applicable to some future SHTF scenarios. Horrible event in Boston clearly shows that you do not need to be at war to have civil victims because of explosions.

I witnessed numerous explosions, blasts, detonations etc. And also I helped many bomb explosions victims, during war and later in emergency services. Unfortunately here carrying small bomb with you is not so unusual (even today). Its considered here weapon just like knife or gun and we have bombings in our area still every month.

So I have been with people immediately after the explosions and later too during the course of healing.

Also I helped lot of people to cope with psychological injuries that they sustained from similar events. And I suffered from that too.

Being at the scene of incident that involves many injured people will „hit“ you like a train, and even if you do not succumb to the widespread panic and start to help injured people it will require some kind of training and knowledge.

Never forget one thing: in any kind of incident your absolute priority is your safety. If you get hurt or killed you are not gonna help anybody. Always assess safety of scene.

Of course you are gonna help injured people in any way that you can, but in order to give as best help as you can you need to understand what actually happens with people with blast injuries.

Explosion and injuries from explosion can be divided into the three parts.

1 Phase

In first phase injuries are caused by the pressure wave of the blast. Injuries like pulmonary bleeding, pneumothorax, perforation of the gastrointestinal organs. The pressure just blasts your soft part inside.

Important thing too is that wave can cause severe damage or death without external signs of injury. Common injuries in first phase are also burns on the body area that are exposed to the side where explosion happened.

2 Phase

In this phase injuries occur from the flying pieces of glass, wood, stones metal etc. So you are gonna see lacerations, burns, fractures.

3 Phase

In this phase body of the victim is becoming missile and is thrown against object. So you can expect injuries at the point of impact. Usually trauma injuries and some bleeding, depends on where body lands on.

Now this three phases maybe look to you not important in terms of helping the victim, so you could say that injury is injury whatever phase it is.

It is not so simple, especially when specialised help is not so close, you need always to suspect the most serious injury until it is ruled out.

For example after some explosion you find man who looked perfectly OK, but actually he suffers some serious internal injuries from whom he can die in half hour without proper treatment. You can not help people with internal bleeding much but you can make them priority to get professional help. Transport them before transporting others and so on.

Some of the signs of internal bleeding can be:

• Pain and swelling (pain and swelling in the leg can be caused by fracture of thigh bone for example)
• Victim looses consciousness (internal bleeding in the brain)
• Abdominal pain can be sign of damaged internal organs and bleeding
• Disorientation of victim, dizziness and fainting

Most of these signs do not necessary need to be signs of internal bleeding, but point is for you as a man who want to help it is very important to always suspect worst case injury, let the professional medical services rule bad conditions out.

Don’t forget laws if they still exist

We are talking here mostly about time when there is no law, but still we need to mention (just in case) that you need to be familiar with laws in your area.

So in some countries you could end up in jail if you try to help victim and actually you do some harm (by mistake, or lack of knowledge…) in some other regions law is actually protecting you.

Level of knowledge

It is all up to you what kind of knowledge and skills you are gonna learn and use when SHTF. There is a system of course today so you can choose to go for first aid classes knowledge or EMT or you are gonna choose to learn what you think it is important to know.

Nobody says it is forbidden to you to go online and research how to stitch (sew) wounds or splint broken leg.

What to expect and how to act

Now we are coming to most important part of all this. You need to prepare yourself mentally to deal with injured , possibly dying people.

Some says that there are people who are born to stay cool in stressful environment, other say that training is key. I can say that after more that 20 years in medical field, including SHTF period that on some things you can not get used to and dying people is one of them.

What you can do with proper knowledge and training is to reduce the moments between shock and reaction, and to act how you are prepared (train).

Emotions and stress

Nature of emergencies are that they are stressful. Be ready to be overwhelmed by emotions and be ready to cope with stress.

Stress alone is huge topic, and you are gonna deal with some events even after 20 years, but important thing is to DEAL with it. Do not be alone with your problem.

Jay has background in psychology and has helped people with traumatic events here is his part on what everyone can do to help people after disaster, even without any training. I see these things also work every day in emergency situations at my job.

—–Jay about helping survivors in the acute aftermath of traumatic events—–

1. If you are safe, make sure other people and victims of the event feel safe as well. Tell them what happened and that they are safe now (and help is on the way if that’s the case). If necessary affirm the victim multiple times that they are safe now and the event is over. They just experienced something that was very hard to even imagine for them before and they need to come to terms with that. They will show all sorts of emotions, from anger to fear to depression and disbelief.

2. Make sure they are in a comfortable position. Do not make them move if they don’t want to, they might have injuries that you do not want to make worse. Let professionals take care of this unless you know what you are doing.

3. Talk to them in a calm voice and ask them neutral questions about what happened. What happened before the event and what lead to the event? Let them run through everything step by step. Ask specific questions and try not to get emotional in any way. This will calm them down and help them to understand what happened.

4. If you set off to find out more about friends or relatives of the victim who might have been also injured or killed, explain what you are going to do and that you will be back shortly. Give people the feeling you are there for them as good as possible.

5. Be honest about the information you share. If someone got killed say it in a compassionate way. Lying about this and then the victim finds out about it because the corpse of her relative gets carried away just means a deeper fall and loss of trust in you which can make the situation even worse (what else might be the wrong information? Am I really safe?….)

7. People after traumatic events sometimes act as if nothing happened. They might want to find transportation to get to where they planned on going to or call work to let them know they are late. This is normal because many people simply do not accept that what happened is part of their reality. Its a protection mechanism. If it doesn’t hurt the victim try to be supportive and borrow them your mobile phone or help them in any other way.

In general people can handle natural disasters best, while man-made disasters or violence is the worst because the fundamental trust in people is destroyed.

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Here is some personal advice from me.

I experienced many explosions, I mean very close explosions, not sure how many but it was way of living for year.. From hand grenades, tear gas grenades, mortars, tanks, howitzer, improvised bombs…

But all comes down to same. Jump down and pray to God, later you stand up, clear debris from hair and clothes, throw up maybe from smell and blast that shocked your organs and go on. If you survived, and without injuries. Only thing that changed over the time that we all (more or less) became numb to all of that, so we just care for everything less and less.

I describe how I transition from normal young man to this numb creature that just wants to survive in interviews in my survival course. I bleed from ears several times after the explosions. I hear poorly on my right ear for the rest of my life.

Events like mass killings, bombings and similar will change you completely, and you are not gonna be same anymore. Event alone is traumatic with injured people, screams, blood and all that, and there is few basic rules in helping the victims and helping yourself to cope with everything.

Listening

Sometimes listening to victim is gonna be only thing that you gonna be able to do. You can not „treat“ victim with listening only, but trust me to man who is in pain, great fear and uncertainty is he going to survive to have someone beside him makes a great difference. Maybe you are gonna find yourself in situation that man is dying, man who is total stranger to you, but he is gonna have only you for comfort.

Anger reactions

Because fear and shock, you can expect all kind of reactions from injured people, and very often that reaction gonna be angry one. Just be tolerant, that anger is not actually directed towards you.

Help yourself

After being involved with dealing to the victims of some catastrophic event you can also experience excess stress. It can be triggered by simple traumatic event or many of them. For someone it can be caused by watching a car accident for example.

Some of the symptoms of stress are: problems with concetration, irritability, anxiety, loss of sexual interest, nightmares etc.

Dealing with stress (this has worked for me):

• Change your food habits. Avoid fatty foods, nicotine and alcohol
• Exercise.
• Relax. Try meditation or check what relaxing techniques are good for you
• Spend more time with your family and friends, talk to them and just go and include them in your stress problem solving.

This is what Jay and me think about this. The bomber from Boston is not only one who benefits from people being afraid. People who are scared are easier to control. Just dont let the bomber be a prepper…

Please share in comments what you think about Boston bombing and maybe also personal tips how to deal with traumatic events.

In last article I wrote about surviving combat and how I experienced it during my year in war.

Today I write about the aftermath. Survival is not only hard on your body but can also kill you inside. So you survive but you are just empty shell. You all heard of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) but I call this just being dead inside. But this does not have to be like that. First let me tell you about Alek.

I know Alek for many years now, I met him during one hiking trip I did with my survival group here. He was something like outdoor instructor. Later I heard from other folks that he went through some crazy stuff during the war, and that he was member of one of the groups when he was just 15 years old.

We never talked about that before, anyway that kind of topic here is very unusual to discuss. Many have blood on their hands and it brings up bad memories. If we talk about that period we only mention some funny and stupid things like „do you remember the tree leafs we smoked as tobacco man?“ and we laugh.

But in same time we are remembering in thoughts how someone gets killed or similar. You laugh because you dont want to cry.

We were spending night in one of the mountain houses, some of us brought families, other were alone. During the day kids spent time in small amusement park in woods. He was there as something like park ranger.

Night time was for big camp fire, barbecue and drinking.

One night few of us were next to fire, people mostly went to sleep. Me and other guy talked about hunting, rifles and stuff like that. He was quiet.

Suddenly he asked: „Do you remember that smell of a wound when man gets badly shot in abdomen, or when he gets shrapnel in same place?“

Me and other guy went quiet. I remembered the smell, but I did not say anything, I could almost taste it, metallic taste of blood and some hard and sharp smell that stays in your nose, smell of piss and sh!t too.

And I smelled it few times. First time when I smelled it shell exploded hitting in one building entrance behind me and some men from neighborhood, and rain of shrapnel was flying towards us. Guy gets shrapnel, pieces of wall and steel fence in his stomach.

And all kinda mixed up at that point of his body, I mean it was just bloody mess, like if someone put blades from boat motor engine in his stomach and turn it on, all mixed up.

He was young and strong so he screamed a lot and yelled. Later I figured out that in fact that I was almost deaf (from detonation) for some time and that helped me to not listen to all his crying.

He grabbed one guys hands, and that guy had real hard time to get his hands free again.

In that moment you just want to get the hell out of there because you can die too, and nobody wants to look in a dying mans eyes who begs for help you can not give, everyone just ran and hide. And he did not die fast. He was screaming and crying, and asking „am I going to die?“ and we all just wanted it to be over at last.

Yeah, people mostly do not die like in movies. No heroic last words, messages for fellow comrades, country or similar. Mostly they cry for mother.

After these pictures came back for seconds in my mind Alek continued telling us his story:

“I remember that moment when I first seen wounds, big wounds and mixed smell of everything, burnt flesh, blood, puke and sh!t and I think I smelled something else that I think was pure horror. In that moment my childhood was over, and suddenly I become man. I was 15 years old.

I found peace in woods. I am living practically in woods, without real friends and much contact with other people. I am spending my time in the city only for buying food, then again I am in the woods. I think I found God in the woods.”

He had one more beer and went away. I was thinking about his words.

Few days later I discuss everything with good friend and when I told him about Aleks words that “he found God in the woods” and how that gave me creeps somehow, he told me “he surely found something in the woods, but it is probably more devil than God”

I asked “why?”

He said that all his talking about exotic places and exotic ways for killing animals in foreign lands were lies.

Yea, after the war ended he left region and spent ten years doing what he learned to do best.

Killing, but not animals. And this time killing on contract and for serious money. Rumor was that he was quite popular in that “business”, with some terrible methods.

Everything else was true, he did have wife and kid. And yeah he did retire and found something in woods.

To survive some big SHTF scenario and continue to live later in a „normal“ world is not so simple.

You can not just put clear boundry between some periods of your life and stop to think about bad moments.

Imagine earthquake hits your area and all plates in kitchen fall down and most break. You can quickly stuff them back into cupboard and keep them there but they are still broken. You can hide them and they are still broken. Putting things away does not fix them.

When we are born we learn to trust people. When you experience what people can do or even what animal you can be it destroys this trust and is hard to rebuild.

It often stays with you for rest of your life. You just try live as normal as you can and thats it.

But it is always there.

It is everyday thing. For example everything is cool and OK but then for example something „kicks“ me back into that time. Some smell maybe or sound.

I was walking on street few weeks ago, and I heard sound, it was mixture of whizzing and humming noise that was coming closer fast.

I almost jumped behind one car, it was a sound of helicopter toy that 5 year old kid was „launching“ some 30 meters from me, in my direction. But for me it was sound of one of the improvized rocket-bomb devices that was used often during the SHTF. I learned to recognize it and act in same moment.

„But it was 20 years ago“ you gonna say. Well for me it was like yesterday, it is everyday.

When you are taking coffee in some coffee shops and you „catch“ yourself that you are watching other guests and assessing them „how dangerous is that guy?“ and „he has 9mm Glock in that small bag“ (we have lots of concealed carry here, I do too) or „ that dude in black jacket has butterfly knife in front pocket“ and „that dude is guarding his back while he is reaching for change he left on floor – gun stuffed in his back-belt“ etc etc.

You can say „get a life“ I will say it is my life now.

Did you think that you can go through months of collapse and whole bunch of life threatening events and then come clean from all of that and have normal life? You cant. It is not romantic like that at all.

Telling others how it was and how it is gonna be again helps in a way that I find some sense in surviving all that other than having my life. Its a mission I feel good about.

Breaking some stupid ideas about how SHTF gonna look like helps too, everyone who wants to read this stuff is possibly one more man who is gonna be prepared more tomorrow when things get tough again.

When Jay visited me to record the interviews for my online survival course we visited places and talked for whole week. I felt very down for some time after that but he has background in psychology and said it can help. It does, I slowly glue my broken parts together again, also writing this here today.

Writing is my treatment and for you who read this it is what Jay refers to as “primary prevention”, that means exposure to real scenarios help to prepare you mentaly what can happen. It is win win situation.

Just never forget your mind on battlefield or one day you wake up alive but empty.

If you have experience with traumatic events please share in comments.

Few events opened my eyes, and somehow make me survivor right at the beginning, and I can say I have luck to understand in very early stage how hard it is, and what it takes.

During one of the first bigger events of killing in the streets, I was out together with my friend who also was medical professional.

Fire from machine guns was on people who were standing in front of the main city bread factory, and people started to scream and run over each other.

My first impulse was to run to nearest cover but my friend got down to help some lady, so I stayed one meter next to him.

I was confused about my decision and not sure to stay with him or run. Bullets from machine gun hit him over his legs, and I saw how his knee cap exploded, it looked like some bad movie special effect.

He just looked at his legs, then at me, in silence. Even that was just seconds moments like this feel very long.

I took him by the hands and drag him some 20 or 30 meters to safety. Only there I saw that he was missing his leg under the knee. It stayed with dead lady on the street.

And only then he started to scream.

I used belt to stop bleeding, ambulance still worked in that period. He went to hospital and then evacuated from the city. He survived but never came back.

Lessons learned?

In moments of chaos always listen to your instincts and do not hesitate. Especially if you are involved in situation when someone is shooting at you with high caliber machine gun. Just accept that people will die, and you have to survive. To help others is great thing, to survive is even better, also I realized that human being is so fragile and easy to destroy.

Later I learned some things about weapons and how to use them, so I realize that more firepower does not necessary mean more dangerous and better chance to kill.

Owning a weapon is just absolutely necessary in preparing for a survival scenario, even more in urban survival. You just need to go and get as close as you can to the real stuff while you are doing the preparing and training for the SHTF, so it makes sense to go out and check your preps, to check your gear and yourself.

For example pair of boots that you bought and store for bad days will not be used for walking only, it will be use for running, squatting, jumping, in mud, junk, blood, guts maybe or just running trough a shallow river.

Everything that you have prepared and stored for SHTF will be pushed to the limits.

One thing is to go out into woods nearby and do recording of your weapon testing on some beer bottles with your friends, and after that concluding that particular gun or rifle is best for SHTF, and that you are dangerous dude because your accuracy rules. Some people gonna put that clip on you tube and go home convinced that they are ready and prepared.

In reality you do not know if you are prepared.

A lot of survival stores that sell things sell idea of buy this and you are safe. No you are not. Also you learn more about real urban survival scenario in my survival course and this helps you to mentally be better prepared but real deal when SHTF always comes as surprise.

When time comes again it gonna hit everyone like a hammer. Good news is that when you know you will get hit like that you can recover fast and use your skills, knowledge and preps to make best out of situation.

Using weapon in real life, in real survival situation is something absolutely different from shooting bear bottles, and if you could do some real training that is realistic that would be maybe going to camping with trash bag as a tent, being on camping for 10 days with 10 small cans of food, and 10 liters of water, walking every day for 10 km.

And then on 11th day run few kilometers and then shoot and see how accurate you are when your body is wasting away.

And still the most important thing is missing. While you are shooting at the beer bottles they do not shoot back at you in order to kill you.

During some of the first battles in city I was moving trough the building behind a guy, we both had rifles. He was sweeping the rooms and shooting, it was the closest urban combat as it can be. In the moment when he run out of ammo he used his rifle as something between spear and bat.

Now someone could say why he did not just switch to pistol? He did not have one, also he did not have time to look for ammo. But there I learned how it is useful to have folded stock of rifle when shooting and moving in very confined spaces.

Also I learned that rifle with pretty sharp parts at the barrel can be very handy. He stabbed guy to the cheek, ripping his face down and finishing him on ground.

One of the biggest misconception at the people who do not have fighting experience is what they need to practice.

It is all about pressure. You need to learn:

1. What your weapon can take

In terms of kicking, throwing, how often and when will it malfunction, and what the most common malfunctions are, and how to fix it, of course how to fix it in middle of fight. If you find yourself in the middle of fighting, and your weapon „jams“ do not be as we called “zblesavljen” or in English is probably looking like idiot.

I have seen that: guy is shooting and in the middle of fighting his weapon jammed, and he surprisingly look at the weapon in a „what the f#ck?“ state. And of course in two seconds he ends up dead.

You absolutely need to know how to manage small weapon jams without looking at the weapon, you need to look at the target while you are „repairing“ weapon (clearing the bullet, switching to other magazine etc.)

Other option would be to MOVE immediately when your weapon jams, move to cover in same second, or to dropping it on ground, or on your back, and switching to your other weapon. But you need to learn to do all of above without thinking. You need to train that this becomes automatic.

Small things like how quickly you can put your rifle on your back and a switch to pistol can be difference between life and death, if you somehow „trip“ yourself while you are trying to put rifle on your back in order to take pistol you can end up dead.

2. What you can take

Remember this: while you are shooting at the bad guys, those bad guys will be SHOOTING AT YOU TOO.

So shooting at the beer bottles in the woods with your buddies will not really do all the training you need. I am doing it often, but it just not covering everything.

Fighting and surviving combat means constant moving and outsmarting the guys on the other side, you gonna need to run, squat, throw yourself in the ditch, lay down in all kinds of sh!t and shoot at the same time, and probably fix your rifle from jams, or switch to another weapon.

Do some basic weapon training and learn about line of sight and how to get out off it.

Very great percentage of shooting is done without aiming, just spraying bullets.

It makes sense to do some airsoft or paintball in the woods to check how constant moving change whole game, and what kind of moving makes sense in order to survive gunfight.

For example how often you shoot from your weapon with both hands, dominant and not dominant? In urban fighting you will need switch weapon around very often (moving through the apartments, rooms, around the corners etc.). When you are shooting behind corner, and you are having rifle in your right hand and corner is on your left side it make sense to transfer weapon to left hand. otherwise it is dangerous to stick your left part of body out in order to shoot form right hand.

For all you who have some military experience this all is basic stuff, but I have seen many guys who were killed in stupid ways.

Real gunfight is dynamic thing. Adrenaline is weird thing too, so people can do tremendous things while adrenaline is pumping, but also with lack of training and common sense guy can do tremendously stupid things. I have seen man who was pointing to something and he stood up from the cover, and got shot.

3. How to train yourself

Training is the key. You can not do anything else today except to train very hard.

You can not experience real stuff today of course, but you can take it as close to real stuff as you can. Go out with your friends and think about all possible scenarios. But think about worst case scenarios. SHTF is not gonna wait for nice and sunny weather, you gonna be maybe hungry, dirty. Maybe have to give up your shelter and food storage on second day of SHTF.

Or you gonna be forced to use other weapon that you are not used to. Maybe you gonna be forced to hide for hours hidden under a pile of rubble and then you are gonna be forced to jump out and „kill“ ten beer bottles. Sounds like fun? This is why resilience and mental strength is so important.

Maybe you are gonna be cold and thirsty and in the middle of the battle. One thing is sure – very rarely it goes the way that you planned. So just be ready for many options and do not panic when things go other way. Want to get some funny sounding advice?

Get good at suffering while still being able to work towards a goal.

4. What weapon, caliber, stopping power etc?

It is very hard question (that I get asked a lot). But think about fact that everything today is about mainstream and commercial. And somehow it is more about what other people say is good and not necessarily about what you need and what is good for YOU.

You and your hand kill, weapon is only tool. I have seen fight when man with knife is killing the guy with rifle. He had mastered fighting with knife and had will to kill. Other guy had a rifle only, and he ends up dead. I also seen more than once people shot with rifle bullets still fighting, running for good amount of time. Some of them were not even aware that they are wounded before someone else pointed that out to them.

What I am trying to say, do not expect miracles if you own weapon that is at the moment most popular, having great stopping power, cool reviews. It is about practicing , weapon mastering and correct bullets placement.

I said bullets for a reason, I have seen many things, but I did not see someone survive multiple shots in correct place at the body. Have weapon that is best for your case, and achieve perfection in using it. Do not expect that people will fly back if you shoot them with one bullet from some widely popular weapon and caliber (not talking about shotguns).

So I am not gonna tell you what is the best weapon because what works for me maybe does not work for you or others.

Having a weapon that is too rare, too good or too bad does not make too much sense for me. Do not find yourself in situation when you lose your weapon and pick someone else and then find out that you do not have clue about it, because your weapon was special and rare.

Just have what everyone else around you has, because of gun parts, ammo and you look like everyone else.

Your weapon is only tool to survive, be ready to lose it if you need to lose it, and pick some other from ground in the middle of fight.

I knew a guy who did some scary stuff with rusty shortened M48. He was old and poor looking dude, he played that part good, until he would take out this old gun from under his coat and rob and kill people. Simple strategy but it worked for him. So look around and think what works for you.

If you have experienced combat or heard what matters from veterans please share in comments.

Dealing with everyday problems when SHTF meant that you have to face whole new set of situations, from how to „take shower“ with few liters of water to how to use pure violence when violence was not part of your life before.

As I mentioned many times people used to find all kind of solutions for that problems, actually some people found solutions, those who did not disappeared.

People mostly learned „on the job (of surviving)“ how to deal with that problems, instead of promotion or fancy certificate they got more time on this planet.

In reality lot of survivors did not solve all problems, some of the things and problems were „pushed under the carpet“. People have different ways to deal with situations.

When you wake up one morning in world where everything that you took for granted stopped to exist, just that can blow your mind almost like bullet in head, so people reacted in different ways. Here are most common reactions of people, divided in three groups.

1. King of the playground

SHTF, and there are no rules anymore, and you can go out and do whatever you want. You can use force in order to do whatever you want. You can fulfill your dreams. Everyone is gonna be scared but you are powerful and dangerous, you are the king of the playground. Something like character from your favorite movies, Mad Max maybe.

There were people like this of course, not too many but yea, and they ended up in two main ways:

A.) they ended with their head smashed in first week of SHTF, usually in some very stupid way, real example is they stole some cool car in first days of chaos, and went driving crazy and shooting at everybody till some group got them, pulled them out from the car and tore them apart.

B.) they had charisma, luck and brain. They formed group (gang), become leaders, very powerful people, masters of life and death. They could take or give (forgive) life with one hand move. If other powerful people did not kill them (mostly) they become rich, and they are still rich.

Example would be small time thief who suddenly realized that by showing big amount of guts / courage and will to do atrocities in front of the rioting mob can give him leadership over the people who want leader.

Those of them who survived everything years later very often committed suicide. PTSD catches up with folks, also those who “play hard”. Very important thing is that while I am reading different blogs and forums I can see and recognize lot of „survivalists“ and „preppers“ who are gonna belong to this first group when SHTF. World is gonna be playground for them when SHTF. Most of them gonna end up with heads smashed in first few days. Those few of them who survive beginning of collapse gonna be dangerous bastards. But calm hand and steady aim regulates things.

2. SHTF and what the f… am I going to do?

You wake up one morning and SHTF, you are devastated, waiting for electricity to come back to see on TV what is going on, while people outside demolishing local mall and taking home whatever is useful.

You are believing in government, law and order, „common sense“ and you simple do not understand preppers and all „conspiracy theorists“. Off course you do not believe in guns too, you think that everything can be solved in nice and civilized way. We are humans not animals and do not fight for food and survival with violence like animals do…

People from this group were in great numbers when SHTF in my time, and they will be in great numbers again when SHTF. No matter how much good information is on web, no matter how many bad things are happening around the world, and no matter how much proof is everywhere around us that everything is going to sh!t.

And people from this group ended up:

A.) dead and gone (mostly)

B.) as „soldiers“ of some gang, because they were easiest to „mobilize“ because this kind of folks always need someone to guide them and protect them. Today it is government and system, when SHTF it is gonna be local gang leader who is gonna give them protection, guidance in exchange for their loyalty.

Or they gonna be solo predators, killers and thieves, kinda like „shadowy“ enemy, guy who is gonna stab you in a back for bag of potatoes.

Important thing here is that for us preppers guys from this group (B) are problems because guys from this group are your first neighbor maybe, or your dentist, or your job colleague, or even your good friend. They stab you and then cry and say sorry while robbing you. Remember this: guys from this group are not gonna fall from the sky, they are all around us. They are „good decent and normal folks“ and they do not want to do what they do. So again think about what you are saying to who these days.

C.) they gonna join group of people or family in order to survive. They do whatever they need to protect their home, but they gonna try to stay good.

3. People who are prepared (preppers, survivalists…)

You know that great majority of stuff on TV and internet is fake and there only to form public opinion. You are preparing for bad days but also you are living your life as best as you can, because S. is going to hit the fan for sure. You do not want to belong to herd of consumers, and you want truth all the time, no matter how ugly can be. You are looking for people who think like you, it is hard to find them, but they are there. You are not wishing SHTF, but you are definitely not gonna be scared once when it comes.

You are ready.

Now do not get me wrong, but this is very very small group, because great majority of people who call themselves preppers are not actually. Some are gun nuts, some are gear junkies and some are just scared by media and try to buy their peace of mind in form of canned food.

When SHTF real preppers gonna recognize themselves, and I see them as real leaders of groups of people that gonna do some change in big chaos, people who gonna „carry light“ by that I mean they do their best to be good if situation makes being good a choice and not only have the goods and full storage but also skills and mindset that it takes to live under bad conditions.

Survivalists who do not only talk the talk. No Internet only warriors who believe world ends when running out of blueberry muffins.

Who else?

Now not everyone is covered by these groups of people, and as I said it can be dangerous to generalize people, but also it is good to recognize and understand.

There is a whole bunch of people who gonna belong to big „grey“ area. They not gonna choose anything, they will be driven by big chain of events, and they just gonna do whatever is needed to survive. Good and wrong is completely gone for them. Only survival is left to worry about. Kind of people that are not people any more, more like animals.

I belonged to the group that were surprised when SHTF, but on the other side I had brain and luck to join-form group and family and I survived. I am prepper and survivalist now and became that during time in war.

I too pushed problems „under the carpet“ somehow in order to stay sane. Somehow I adopted the philosophy that it is not really matter what you gonna do, it is written how you gonna end up. It was not some religious thing, but as soon as you realize how easily you can end up dead you must form some kind of philosophy or you just go crazy.

I survived thanks to my skills, my thinking, yeah. But many times I survived by pure luck. I speak about numerous situations like that in my course. When you looking over the wall with your friend, and one single bullet from sniper blow his brain all over your face you must ask your self „why him and not me?“

So I learned to live and do whatever I can in order to survive, but other than that I learned to stop to worry for things outsider of my circle of control, because what must happen is gonna happen. And I survived.

It is very important that in very dangerous moments and situations you have clear and sharp mind, and not to worry about things that are out of your control anyway. Few days ago I was asked if survivalists are just people who are scared. No, real survivalists worry much less because they are prepared and they do not worry about what comes.

Just quick reminder in this series of posts I write about typical types of survivalists I came across during my time in war. I speak in detail about complete time in my online course.

Today is about typical leader who knew how to handle our survival situation during war.

He was police officer, we called him “boss” because his look and stand, he had 30 years of service and I do not think that he used a gun too much, but he had a palm like a shovel and he used that a lot dealing with problematic teenagers.

Grumpy guy with who you do not want to have too much business, and if you get caught for some minor thing, theft or whatever, he did not talk to much with you, but his look talked stories, and his hands too. He gave people justice on spot and got respect for that too. He made difference for our neighborhood and was type of police officer that in my opinion does not exist today anymore.

He and his colleagues had a patrol in better part of the city when SHTF, and in the beginning they tried to make some sense in all that, restore order, but when they saw that ambulance vehicle on call gets shredded with shots they realized that a new time had come.

They did not discuss too much but they were sure that law and order is something that is gone now, and to act like law keepers just does not make sense anymore.

They went back to the police station and took more weapons and equipment and then they used police van and went to army storage and took more weapons.

They took that to their homes, and separated. His colleague shook his hand and left, each fighting their own fight, he pushed police van out of the street and went home.

He lived alone for many years before SHTF, and also being the police officer for years gave him advantage of knowing something about mob mentality and power over people, so he did not had too much problems in dealing with problems in that beginning days, but he was alone and that was a problem. But he was smart and that made difference.

In these days everything fell apart in the city, all that makes life normal, so institutions were falling apart too.

Local correction youth center, something like open type jail for teenagers was falling apart too, so young folks were going out from there.

He went there and took 7 guys from there. He used to be something like their “watcher” in normal times, he arrested them for small time burglaries, cons etc. He also kept eye on them when they were out of the correction facility and on streets again. Because of how he did things he was like father who gave them slaps here and then.

They all were kids without family, that correction center was their home or the streets. Anyway he took them to his home, and took care of them in that chaos, and after some time they took care of him too. They all were around 16-17 years old at that time when all hell broke lose.

He taught them to shoot, to defend, to trade, to recognize problematic people, fact that they been that problematic people once only helped in process of teaching. Those kids were street smart. And he was not too soft in process of teaching, in other words he used his “shovel” a lot in process of “making people of them” as he called that.

But he also teach them never to take from someone else. He was still police man and kept his ideals. They never turned against him. I saw many times that real sons turn against fathers in that time, or brother against brother, but they were perfectly loyal to each other, real family. I guess it was because they know that only in this group they can survive.

They did pretty well because starting “capital” he took from the army barracks, so they stand for people that you could visit and get rifle in fair trade, without danger that you could be shot in the back. Also they stand for the people that you do not want to f… with because violence is not problem for them at all.

“Boss” died few months before peace came, from wound infection. All seven of his “boys” survived and I never heard that they did something bad in that time. OK, bad in little bit different terms maybe. Not atrocities, noting about unnecessary violence. What was necessary is different question of course but all we who survived were not most gentle folks at that time.

One of them later in peace went to organized crime and ended shot dead, but all rest 6 of them grow up and became proud and strong family people. Type of man that you want to have for friend.

They all refer to Boss as their father. They live today in different cities and countries, some of them even on another continent, but once in two years they have meeting, all together in his memory.

And that guy from the beginning of the story, colleague of the Boss? He used his share of loot from the barracks to form gang, and they did lot of stuff to the people, he finished dead, stabbed more than 30 times. Nobody remembers him, or wants to remember him, like he did not exist at all. More about “bad bosses” in next article.

So what to make out of this? In survival scenario you want people around you who know why group matters. Just like early humans who knew not to fight each other or cause problems for survival of whole group. In case of boss the street kids already knew about survival and he was perfect leader for them who also knew what kind of leadership style worked with them.

Now I could say nice things about how to choose your group and of course include that annoying drama person that maybe your brother or sister married because “he/she is part of family”. But I speak from my experience and if you want to survive like in any other “team” your group has to work. Having strong leader like boss helps a lot.

Normal laws and norms of society are gone in long term survival situation so people who still do things because it looks good are at disadvantage compared to people who make what works and makes team stronger and not weaker. If someone makes my team weaker on purpose (not because of sickness or age) he is not part of it.

When you think about your survival group, think about who makes best boss? How to lead the people? What works? Prepare for that too and you are far ahead of many other preppers who think they can buy safety with money and having the most preps and gear.

What I meant is we do not need to know why something is happening right away but know something is going on and definitely we need to be prepared for results of that. Again like in all other articles I do not want to judge right or wrong here, just talk about some experiences and give you some things to maybe think about.

I read many times in comments and on different blogs and forums questions and speculations about what authorities gonna do when SHTF, or how police gonna react and what military gonna do. So there is a whole different set of options and opinions, but great majority of them are having the opinion based on mindset that they are used to. They think like before SHTF even though SHTF changes everything into real survival situation with whole different set of rules. And that makes big difference.

I had the idea to write about this because of the Chris Dorner case. Case is interesting because of many things. It shows what trouble one person can do (and now imagine many Chris Dorners start fighting authorities..) and also how authorities try to deal with the troublemaker.

If we are talking about police now, we can agree or disagree that police is there to serve and protect. That really depends on where you live of course. In some countries police are part of problem but in general we can say any authorities are here to make difference between order and chaos.

In case of Chris Dorner when they cornered him in small cabin they threw several “hot” tear grass grenades in his wood cabin to get him out. Many people think this was on purpose to set fire to cabin because these hot tear grass grenades are known to set things on fire. After having 4 of your colleagues killed most people not gonna be easy with the killer.

When people are under big emotional stress this is normal and in long term survival scenario that happens to everyone.

I wanna tell you one story from my SHTF time, it is about law abiding citizens and special police force.

First days of collapse are most chaotic in terms of panic and frightened people, so there is a picture of big number of people who do not know what to do, where to go, and what is gonna be. Looting everywhere, and when folks realize that nobody gonna punish them they just go wild.

One group of people (they all lived in same apartment building) choose to stay in, or to bug in speaking in survival terms. There were couple of days of chaos outside but nobody touched them in that building.

When things get more rough they choose to move in few apartments on same floor and stay together. Anyway after some two or three weeks there were some kind of peace outside. They were on watch on windows carefully checking what is going on, but they could not figure out anything.

Few hours later when dark start to fall they noticed group of some 30 policeman, with helmets, rifles and everything. Special police was still around and in first days after STHF they made weak attempts of putting riots down.

They moved in order and formation. Guys from the building were so happy to see them after weeks of rioting and chaos outside. They were first sign that things maybe get back to normal. They cheered and called them.

Police guys quickly stormed into the building and forced them out. They shoot them after quick search. After that they searched apartments for useful stuff. One of the guys who realized and ran for his life survived and told me his story. They were so quick and professorial in killing that most of the people did not even have time to ask for mercy.

Now what is the importance of this story?

Remember this: When SHTF, there are a guys with guns, and there are guys without guns. Everything else are just labels. Names like police, army, authority, government…
You can not think in the terms that we think today, it is dangerous.

If you read between lines on this website you also come to your own conclusions how you can make chances of your survival better if your group looks like official helpers. Of course do not use this for bad things.

There is nothing deep and philosophic in this story, police force are just bunch of guys with guns who are doing their job today, some of them are good people, some of them are bad people. They all just like us gonna choose what they gonna do when SHTF but when they are in big emotional stress or fight for their survival they might not be nice guys like before. Even if they try to be good they go around and anyone they see can be a Chris Dorner and in all chaos they do not know.

Guys who were hiding in the building were common law abiding folks, and they did not realize that SHTF and that rules had changed, actually rules were gone, so what was before did not matter much. Black can be white, bad can be good, or police force can be simple gang.

Really getting this mindset is also main point of my survival course. Yes, there are my list with supplies and survival guide but with interviews I want you to see how “not natural” it was. Yes, it feels like landing on different planet when society changes like that but if you want to survive you have to be able to be almost comfortable with this.

Now do not get me wrong, I am not saying that we all need to go out and not obey the law. Nothing like that. But when SHTF it is wrong to act like law abiding citizen just because you are used to. It just doesnt make sense and you have to question everything and everyone.

I had that “advantage” or “luck” seeing all that when SHTF, also I am living in what I call “unorganized” country so I am perfectly aware that police here even in “normal” times are armed guys who also work for people who pay more.

So all of my problems I am trying to solve by myself, no real help from authorities. Maybe in your world situation is different and you should be grateful for that. I am not saying that all cops are bad, in your country most cops are probably very good. Just keep in mind people who enforce law and order are humans too and when SHTF or in major disaster that is followed by long term survival situation they are living in new world too in which old rules do not mean much.

I know it is easy for me to say this because I have been in this situation but besides all “technical” or “logistical” aspects of prepping your mind has to be ready for the day when old labels, classification and rules are not working anymore. Only then you can make critical right decisions that can make your chance to survive better.

A few weeks ago we had one guy asking for refund of my course because it was too negative. Of course we gave refund no problem but it was a bit funny because I just talk about my experience.

I hope nobody reading this blog has to ever go through so dark times but if you only know how bad it can get by reading what I write or listening to interviews then this can already help and prepare you for worst case scenario and that is what matters.

Do not live life scared and paranoid like some survivalist do, but also really understand how bad things can get or you maybe have best organized food storage in your whole country but make mistake to invite the wrong guys over for dinner.

Next post is about another type of real survivalist again, I just wanted to write about this thing here because it is so important. How did you experience Chris Dorner case? What do you expect from authorities when SHTF?

Most of the time we judge them so easily, and form our opinion about them „as we go“ without too many thoughts. It is easier like that. We see people doing something and think it is because of how they are. We often do not consider all the things that make them do what they do.

We see something, give that a name and that’s it. Sometimes there is much more behind it. Someone who is bad might just have had circumstances in life that being like that is only thing that made sense for that person. Yes their whole way of thinking might be “wrong” or he might not act bad because he is bad but because his kids are dying. People simply judge too fast.

Not to mention that when SHTF it is dangerous to call people and sort them on easy and fast way, it can led us to form wrong opinion, which can lead to lot of bad things. I learned to not judge people right away. Future friend might behave terrible the first time and future enemy might be very nice to you.

I want to say this before writing about type of real survivalist that I write about today. You encounter slaves or servants in a long term survival situation because even they go very different way from brave fighter… they are real survivalists and just make things work.

Many lone fighters died and many servants suffered but survived. Yes its not like movie.

Lady who was my colleague before SHTF lived with husband and two kids, she was in her 30ies, very nice and easy person to work with. She was my friend and we shared lot of the great moments at job. I never see or heard anything bad about her. I knew her husband, I knew her kids…

When SHTF I lost contact with her in all that chaos, and to be honest I completely forget about her, I had more important things to worry about.

Few months later on my trip that almost killed me out of town over the mountains to obtain some stuff we needed (I speak more about this trip in my course) I had opportunity to meet her again.

We already passed most dangerous parts of trip, mines, mountains, woods and no man’s land and came into small part of territory controlled by one of the numerous militias, loosely tied to bigger (again numerous) fractions.

Guys did not give us any problems, other than very short checking who we are and where we are going.

We already payed for passage to „guy who knows guy“ so everything went smooth. We make small rest in one of the shacks and drink hot „tea“. Actually exact description would be „hot dirty melted snow, with added alcohol“.

Then I saw her, my ex colleague.

If I learned anything since SHTF that was fact that you need to hide your feelings and body language until you figure out what is actually really going on.

So I did not say anything to her, and I acted like I do not know her, even I wanted very hard to jump, hug her and ask about anything, about her, her family etc.

She put some rice on table, and more alcohol in front of one of group member. She was one woman in a group of some 30 men, who were armed, wasted and pretty dangerous. Most of them did not know too much about literature but they know enough about violence.

She did not look like prisoner, and also she did not look scared or beaten. She also did not or did not want to recognize me.

Anyway some half hour later one of the man from the group offer me her, for some price, explaining me that „she is the property of leader, but also if anybody is willing to pay she can belong to anyone for half hour“.

Now if all of that was movie, probably you would expect from me to shoot all of them and save her, so we can ride into the sunset.

But it was not movie, and I could get maybe three of them down before someone blow my head and take my boots and rifle. And even if I could save her she would probably tell me that she do not want to be saved.

We went through that piece of land without any problems, and I did not see her again, ever. And no I did not pay price and bought her for half hour, and I did not try to start conversation with her.

Later i found out whole story.

When SHTF people did lot of different things in order to survive. She become mistress of one of the small group leaders, and also prostitute of that group.

She was not prisoner, well not obvious, but you also need to understand that if she leave that group she and her family would lose protection, and steady income of goods. And kids needed to eat something.

I do not know what husband think about all that (he was a bit of weak guy before SHTF), but rumors were that he agreed with that, in order to survive everything. So it lasted like that for months. And they survived. So is that good or bad? Its nothing. Its survival. Blame her husband? No.. because they survived. If he would have become fighter he might have died and with him his family.

This does not mean people should let their wifes become prostitutes (there were male prostitutes too by the way). Everyone makes own decisions and later you always know better. Again here comes in not judging.

Of course when peace and normal life came they just could not stand to live here, not after everything. So they choose to emigrate. As I heard they are living somewhere in South America under different names.

Here is some more background to that.

Prostitution here was something different than in other countries, and before SHTF you should be member of very rich and higher class of society or higher ranks of political elite to be able to get into the contact with one. It was illegal and also it was traditionally very „wrong“.

So, prostitution was rare. To be known prostitute was rare. To be normal family woman and become prostitute was unbelievable and almost impossible.

When SHTF lots of things changed. There were prostitutes all around, not to mention women who were held as some kind of half slaves. Their position was not always same, so some of them were not more then slaves, other one were almost powerful as a gang leaders who they belonged to. There were also men who were just mascots or servants for more powerful people but overall this was more common way for woman to survive.

Not all woman were prostitutes of course, just like men they all choose how to survive, some were prostitutes, other were more dangerous with rifle than lot of men. But most of them choose just to stay home with family and do care about kids. It was not something like – they need to do that – it was just they did what they did best and what was needed, just like most of the folks in that period…

That woman I spoke about was much closer to equal gang member, than to slave. They did not force her to prostitution, actually she belonged to the group leader, but also she sell herself for goods, some of that she keep for herself and family and some go to members of gang. It was her “trade” when other men risked their life she overcome her dignity (not sure if that is right word) and did that.

She had protection and food, also her family home had some kind of protection from that group and also food and other things.

She was there mainly for the fun of the group leader, sometimes other members and customers when she wanted.

They survived, we can now judge them and talk what everyone of us could do in their situation but we should not. This is maybe also lesson for normal times.

I work since years in emergency service and see daily people living at borders of normal society or even far from that borders in a different very dark and nasty world.

Its not that all of them are bad but sometimes in life you have to do what you have to do even if it makes only sense for you at that moment. It is not excuse but it helps to remember that when your existence is under threat you might do very different things too.

I’m sure only very few (maybe sexually very open people) really plan on going that way when SHTF. Since I wrote now about 3 types or real survivalists. What role do you see yourself in? What role do you plan for?

Most of the folks who have been through some serious and life threatening situations and survive gonna tell you one thing: they survive it with mental strength.

Also all survival instructors gonna say that first thing in any survival situation to have is will to survive.

It is easy to say today “I will survive!” but great majority of people do not know what will to survive actually means.

In my time I did see some folks who just lay down and had lost will for life. They just gave up.

When it comes to survival you have to focus on what you are good at, and some people are just good at working with other people or maybe dealing or playing with other people.

The mainstream media gives everyone some picture how real survivalist need to look and act. That’s wrong. Today I talk about a smart type of real survivalist.

The Chameleon

When SHTF, the word deception has whole other meaning, and becomes powerful. It is used in many different situations and for many different reasons. It helps to survive but also helps to take lives.

Never form your opinion about what kind of man is dangerous on “popular” images. When SHTF you can end up dead because some 70 years old lady blows your head off with shotgun.

This is how you should think, but average man, sheeple don’t.

So you can be sure that when times come you’ll need to look stronger than you are, but also sometimes you gonna need to look much weaker than you are. More options are always better.

And for all who are preparing with the attitude “let them come” you need to change it to “let them not come”.

There was a guy in town in that time who was very good to know if you need to find out where you can find something useful, or to find out what is going on.

For example if I needed to find something particular, for example I needed 10 liters of diesel fuel for something I would first check people in my vicinity, check few guys out, do they have that, or do they know someone who has that. In short I would go out and try my luck.

But there was also that guy who always has good information about sources for trade, or any other information.

Guy was shrouded in some kind of rumors, or it was more like myth. So you could hear all kind of stories like “he has important friends” or “he has some sources from outside” or “somebody powerful is protecting him”… After all of that stories you could easily conclude that guy was powerful, even before you see him.

He alone did not look mean or powerful or anything similar, but he carried this mean looking old style heavy machine gun all the time, with bullet stripes over shoulders and chest.

Anytime when I go and visit him I get something useful for trade or some useful information where I can go and find something.

He survived war and I did not see him for several years. Then I met him in mall, he was buying some toys for his grandson. I started conversation with him, and we get some coffee.

I asked him what he is doing now, he says he is lawyer. I was surprised. Then he told me that he was lawyer before SHTF. For some reasons I could not connect that man from war period with lawyer, but soon some things were more clear for me.

He invite me to his house for more coffee, and after some time he goes to the basement and drags big wooden box with locks on it out.

He opened it and I saw that old machine gun inside. Of course I wanted to check it. When I took it I saw that barrel is full of melted iron, in order to make weapon unusable.

I was surprised, and ask the man why he did that, I mean you never know when you gonna need weapon ready. He laughed and said “it was always like that, unusable”.

Now I was completely confused, but then he started to talk.

He was lawyer before SHTF, he never fired a shot from any weapon, and violence was completely strange to him. When SHTF in chaos he found himself on street, looking how bunch of folks are breaking in malls and shops taking whatever is useful.

In 5 minutes he was in local museum with some young people who were breaking stuff, and taking whatever useful they could. He said “when I saw local policeman completely drunk trying to take on German uniform and helmet for fun, I realized that we are starting to live in interesting time”

He took machine gun from glass box, together with some bullets stripes and went home.

Ten days later some punks tried to loot his home armed with knives and screwdrivers:

“I put those bullet stripes on me, took machine gun, stand in front of them and yell that if they do not disappear that moment I am gonna massacre them” And of course they disappeared.

He said, even if that thing worked he was not sure if he would be able to shoot at them. But he realized one thing. It is not important how things are really – it is important how things look like.

When all different groups in town started to use signs, I mean small colored bands on shoulder in order to make clear who is belonging to their group, he got all those bands and markings.

When all of those groups started with some system, when to wear what, he bribed guys in order to know that system.

So if one group was controlling some part of the town used red bands on shoulders on Monday and Wednesday, and black one on Sunday on Saturday he would know that.

He used that for moving through the city, because in all that chaos, if you are moving through the city during the night, and you need to go through area that is controlled by some group it was very useful to have some of their signs or code.

So he was member of multiple groups and all groups shared information with him. As a result, he was everywhere in the city, always having correct info about important things.

He knew what is gonna have high price, or when new food aid might come in. I asked him “how were you able to know all info about lot of stuff” because it sounds just too complicated for me.

He said “what I did not know I just made up in my head”.

Actually he was playing with prices, with demand and need of the people. He dictated prices.

After some time, because all of his infos he became so “popular” that if he said that “cans are gonna be very hard to find in next month” people believed it.

So it was easy for him to distribute all cans at higher prices, of course not personally, but in same time he would of course know man who have cans right now at cheap price. His man. He got a cut out of most deals and that helped him to survive.

Through his network of people he puts word out that “powerful people protecting him”. Another illusion but together with fact that people did not want to have problems with man who has always good info he survived.

Also one thing helped, in first period, he collected 5-6 bodies, badly dismembered by shells, put them in front of his house, and put word on the street that “some guys messed with him, but he called his powerful friends and that friends made example of that guys to not mess with him”.

If some really strong group caused danger to him, he just left house and waited for them to leave.

No problem, he did not have anything valuable in house, trading goods he kept at his “associates” and his main value was information. His main value actually was his brain.

So keep that in mind. Before you give up because you have nothing, use your brain and try to play the system with deception. Chaotic urban survival situations offer lots of opportunity for that.